C.L.A.W. Fight Night RESULTS 9/13/11

Posted: September 13, 2011 in Fight Night Results
Tags: , , ,

Mike Kravinchik: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. I’m Mike Kravinchik, your play-by-play announcer for tonight’s card. With me is my longtime broadcast partner, Bernardo Verezzi, and joining us is former champion women’s wrestler, Paula Brown.

[Kravinchik is a slim, white-haired man in his 50s dressed in a crisp black suit. Verezzi is of similar age but heavyset, tanned, with greasy hair and a wrinkled suit. Brown is a tattooed, athletic woman in her mid-thirties with short red hair.]

Bernardo Verezzi: It’s good to be back on the air, Mike.

Paula Brown: Thank’s for letting me join the old boys’ club.

BV: I’m not THAT old…

MK: Our first match tonight is between the Mexican star Phoenix Rising and the dastardly Frenchman, Pierre Boheme. Let’s go to the ring for the introductions.

[“La Marseillaise” begins to play. Boheme comes to the ring wearing a beret and waving a French flag. He also has a small white poodle with him on a leash. Crowd boos.]

BV: These fans have no taste. Don’t though know a quality wrestler?

PB: Yes, they do. And Pierre Boheme is not it.

[“Higher” by Creed begins to play. Rising runs down the ring, streamers fluttering from his elbows and knees. He slap the hands of the fans along the way. He jumps onto the ring apron and somersaults over the top rope. Crowd cheers.]

MK: He knows how to make an entrance.

BV: Those pretty streamers won’t help him win the match.

[The Ring announcer, Fred Bueller, is a middle-age man with a snazzy haircut, too much spray tan and a loud, zebra-print sport jacket.]

Fred Bueller: Ladies and Gentlemen, our opening match is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit. Introducing first, wearing black trunks, from Paris, France and weighing in at 260 pounds, PIERRE BOHEME!!!

[Crowd boos.]

FB: And his opponent, wearing red trimmed in yellow, from Tijuana Mexico, weighing in at 160 pounds, he is PHOENIX RISING!!!

[Crowd cheers.]

MK: Referee Johnny Green pats down both men for foreign objects. We want to have a clean fight. They shake hands. [*DING, DING, DING*] And we are underway! Boheme kicks Rising right in the gut!

PB: So much for fighting clean.

BV: That was a perfectly legal move. It’s called taking the advantage.

MK: Boheme dragging his much smaller foe all over the ring. He tosses him into the turnbuckle and pounds on him in the corner.

PB: He wants to keep Rising grounded, so he can use his size advantage to overpower him.

MK: Boheme backs up and drives a running elbow right into Rising’s jaw! The luchadore staggers and Boheme catches him with a huge inverted atomic drop!

BV: Oooh, that’s gotta hurt the jumping beans!

MK: The Frenchman goes for the cover…



Rising kicks out!

PB: Not even close. Boheme is going to have to do more damage to keep his opponent down.

MK: Boheme pulls Rising to his feet by his mask, and Rising stuns him with a quick shot to the stomach. A kick and Rising whips Boheme into the ropes. Boheme comes running back and OH MY!

PB: Rising nails him with a high flipping drop kick!

MK: The luchadore taking control, now lands a standing backsplash! Rising is going up top, climbing the turnbuckles!

BV: Stay on the mat and fight like a man!

MK: Phoenix Rising flies… NO! Boheme gets his knees up!

BV: That’ll teach him.

PB: That’s why they call them high-risk moves, sometimes they don’t pay off.

MK: Rising is down, clutching his side. That may have broken a rib. Boheme back on his feet, scoops his opponent up… BIG BODYSLAM!

PB: Boheme is so much bigger than his opponent, he’s just manhandling him out there.

MK: Boheme goes for another cover…



Rising gets a shoulder up!

BV: The Mexican kid is showing more guts than brains here. He should really learn when to quit.

MK: Boheme, now, grinding his boot in Rising’s face.

PB: C’mon, ref!

MK: Referee Johnny Green gets the Frenchman to back off, but he rushes right back in with stomps to the ribs.

PB: He’s really trying to hurt him out there.

MK: Pierre drops a knee, right into Rising’s already injured side. His ribs must be killing him! Boheme with another cover…



Thr- NO! Phoenix kicks out again!

PB: Phoenix Rising has alot of heart, there’s just no quit in him.

BV: I bet there’s alot of tacos though. And salsa.

MK: Pierre Boheme now picks Rising up. He’s signalling for his finisher. He likes to put his opponents away with a bridging German suplex he calls the “Arche de Trioumph.”

BV: Actually, Mike, it’s a “French” suplex.

MK: Boheme locks in the front facelock, BUT NO! Phoenix Rising reverses it and rolls Pierre up with a small package! It only gets a two-count, but that came out of nowhere.

PB: Boheme looks just as surprised as we are.

MK: Rising grabs Boheme’s leg and takes him down with a beautiful dragonscrew legsweep! Pierre quickly back up and Rising throws him back down with a stunning Japanese armdrag!

BV: How’d he do that?

PB: Rising is using Boheme’s own weight and momentum against him. He’s wrestling smart.

BV: He’s cheating!

MK: Now Rising leaps onto Boheme’s shoulders… headscissors takeover! Incredible!

PB: An excellent move by the luchadore!

MK: Boheme’s in real trouble now. Rising is going up top again. He seems a little unsteady, holding his ribs… he flies!


MK: Rising lands his exquisite twisting top-rope moonsault! Boheme is out cold, but Rising is writhing in agony. His ribs are pretty banged up.

BV: Pretty stupid to throw yourself around like that when you’ve got cracked ribs.

MK: Rising manages to crawl over and make the cover! This could be it…





FB: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner by pinfall, PHOENIX RISING!!! [Crowd cheers.]

MK: An impressive opening match-up and an impressive win by Phoenix Rising.

BV: I think that match was rigged. Rising was not playing fair. Who spends so much time flying around in the air like that? Has anyone checked to see if he has a pilot’s licence?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s