RESULTS: C.L.A.W. Tuesday Night Fights 9/20/11

Posted: September 20, 2011 in Fight Night Results
Tags: , , , , , ,

[Pyro goes off as CLAW Fight Night begins.  The themesong, “Fight Song” by Marilyn Manson, plays as clips roll of big sweaty men slamming each other with meaty fists and chairs. Cut to three people sitting at an announce desk with a cheering crowd behind them.]

Mike Kravinchik: Welcome back to C.L.A.W. Fight Night, ladies and gentlemen!  I’m Mike Kravinchik, your play-by-play announcer for tonight’s card.  With me is my longtime broadcast partner, Bernardo Verezzi, and joining us is former champion women’s wrestler, Paula Brown.

[Kravinchik is a slim, white-haired man in his 50s dressed in a tie and tweed jacket.  Verezzi is of similar age but heavyset, tanned, with greasy hair and a thick patch of chest hair sticking out of his pink silk shirt. Brown is a tatooed, athletic woman in her mid-thirties with short red hair.]

Paula Brown: We have quite a match-up scheduled for tonight, Mike, as Supa Ringubushi take on Phoenix Rising and Cam Gordy in a tag-team match.

Bernadro Verezzi: I like those Japanese kids.  They’ve got moxie.

[Metallica’s version of “Whiskey in the Jar” begins to play as Cam Gordy comes down to the ring, head down, scowling, looking very focussed and determined.  He slaps hands with a few fans on his way. Crowd cheers.]

[As Gordy reaches the ring, “Higher” by Creed begins to play and Phoenix Rising runs down the ring, streamers fluttering from his knee and elbow pads.  He jumps onto the ring apron and somersaults over the top rope. Crowd cheers.]

MK: The crowd is behind the team of Gordy and Phoenix Rising.  I don’t know if these two have teamed up before.  It should be interesting to see how they work together.

BV: They’re going to be in for a tough fight against a seasoned pair like Takeda and Saito.

[“World is Mine” by Hatsune Miku begins to play as the areana goes dark. Flashing green and blue lasers strobe through the arena and Takeda and Saito step slowly out onto the stage.  As the music picks up they run to the ring, then pose on the turnbuckles and taunt the crowd. Crowd boos.]

PB: They might be able to work together but the crowd certainly doesn’t appreciate their cocky behaviour.

BV: They know they’re good!  What’s wrong with that?

[The Ring announcer, Fred Bueller, is a middle-age man with a snazzy haircut, too much spray tan and an ugly leopard-print sport jacket.]

Fred Bueller: Ladies and Gentlemen, our opening match is a tag team bout scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit.  Introducing first, on my right, wearing blue and white, from Calgary Alberta and weighing in at 222lbs, “STRETCHER” CAM GOOOORDYYYYYYYYY!!!

[Crowd cheers.]

FB: His partner, wearing red and yellow, from Tijuana Mexico and weighing in at 160lbs, PHEONIX RRRRRRRRRRRISING!!!

[Crowd cheers.]

FB: Their opponents… On my left and wearing black and green, from Tokyo, Japan, and weighing in at a combined weight of 575lbs, the team of Takeda and Saito, SUPA RRRRRRRINGU-BUSHIIIIIII!!!

[Crowd boos.]

MK: Referee Johnny Green pats down each man for foreign objects.  Looks like Rising and Takeda will be starting off for their respective teams.  They shake hands. [*DING, DING, DING*] And we are underway!  The two men tie up in the middle of the ring and Rising scores first with an armdrag take-down. Takeda hops back up and Rising hits another armdrag!  Rising goes for a third, but it’s blocked!  Takeda goes for a kick… ensugiri to the side of the head!

PB: These boys are just so quick!

MK: Takeda taunts his opponent and slaps him in the face. Rising gets to his feet and Takeda drives him into the corner with punches.  Takeda whips him into the opposite corner and runs in after him with a big knee strike!  Rising stumbles out of the corner right into a swinging neckbreaker!

BV: Looks like Tekada is quicker.  Plus he has at least 30 pounds on Rising.  That kid needs to eat more.

MK: Takeda goes for a cover… NO!  Rising reverses into a roll-up…


Two… Takeda kicks out!

Phoenix Rising dives for his corner to make the tag to Cam Gordy.

PB: Good move by the luchadore.  He needs to get a fresh man in there.

MK: Gordy has the weight advantage now on Takeda.  The smaller man runs from the Calgary native, he doesn’t seem to want to tie up.

PB: That’s cowardly!

BV: That’s smart!

MK: Takeda finally turns, Gordy goes for a lock-up… and Takeda jabs a thumb in his eye!

BV: See? Takeda knew what he was doing, and that idiot Gordy just played right into his hands.

MK: Referee Green admonishes Takeda, but the Japanese superstar ignores him and takes down Gordy with an armdrag.  Takeda taunts his foe and kicks him in the face!  Takeda goes up top!

BV: Look up in the sky!

MK: Takeda flies… NO!  Moonsault misses! Gordy rolls out of the way and Takeda lands on his face!

BV: Not his pretty face!

MK: Takeda blindly makes a tag to Saito, and the big man is coming in!

PB: Gordy is in trouble… Masa Saito weighs nearly 400 pounds and is a former champion sumo wrestler.

MK: Cam Gordy is not afraid, though, and steps right up to the big man.  Gordy with punches, but Saito just shrug him off.  Saito grabs Gordy, and smashes him with a huge chop!

BV: Ouch, I felt that all the way over here.

MK: Gordy back up and Saito drops him with a thunderous headbutt!  Gordy in serious trouble now, he tries to crawl to the corner but Saito grabs him and scoops him up… BIG BODYSLAM!

PB: Saito is just manhandling Gordy out there!

BV: The Japanese kids are wrestling smart, they’re keeping Gordy in their corner so he can’t make a tag.

MK: Saito with a lazy, cocky cover, and Gordy immediately kicks out!

PB: Gordy’s not going down that easily.

MK: Saito makes a tag to Takeda.  Takeda comes over the top rope and nails Gordy with a flying clothesline!  Takeda goes for the cover…




BV: I thought he had him!

MK: Takeda taunts Rising, who is desperate to get in a help his partner!  Phoenix Rising jumps over the top rope and Referee Johnny Green goes over to admonish him!

PB: Don’t play into their tricks, Phoenix!

MK: Behind the ref’s back, Takeda and Saito double-team Gordy, beating him down in their corner!

BV: That’s an experienced tag team!

MK: The referee get Rising out the ring and turns around as Takeda goes for another cover…




PB: Rising and Gordy are unfortunately showing their inexperience as a team here, falling prey to Supa RinguBushi’s anctics.

MK: Takeda tags Saito back in, and the sumo stands over Gordy… OH MY GOD!

BV: Squished like a bug!

MK: Saito just dropped down on Cam Gordy with a 400-pound splash!  Gordy is lying there like a he got run-over by a steamroller!

BV: He’s not finished yet…

MK: Saito grabs Gordy’s leg, looks like he’s going for some kind of submission.

PB: If a 400-pound man locks you in a submission and sits down in it, there’s no way your getting out.

MK: Saito tries to turn Gordy over… NO! Gordy kicks his foe in the head with his other foot and makes a desperate diving tag to Phoenix Rising!

BV: Squash him, too!

MK: Rising explodes into the ring, hitting a high flipping dropkick on Saito.  The big man stays on his feet.  Rising hits another dropkick!  Saito still standing!

PB:  What will it take for Rising to knock the big man down?

MK:  Rising leaps at Saito… and Saito catches him in mid air!  Saito lays out Rising with a huge titl-a-whirl slam!

BV: How do you like that, jumping bean?

MK: Saito tags Takeda, and Takeda climbs the turnbuckle…

BV: This is it!

MK: Saito picks up Rising… POWERSLAM!  OH MY GOD, what an impact!

BV: HOLY SWEET PUSSYFACE!  He broke the little guy in half!

MK: Takeda flies… lands back first on Rising’s head!  Phoenix Rising is out cold!  Takeda covers…




It’s over! [DING, DING, DING]

PB: Takeda and Saito call that combination the MEGA SUPER IMPACT!  Not too many wrestlers can kick out after getting powerslammed by a sumo wrestler AND splashed in the head from the top-rope.

MK: Well, they might have used a few underhanded tactics to do it, but the more seasoned team has prevailed here tonight. Join us next week when we have the debut of a sensational new wrestler named Jason “The Spider” Salva!

BV: What the hell kind of stupid name is “Spider?”

MK: Don’t miss it!


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