RESULTS: CLAW Tuesday Night Fights 9/27/11

Posted: September 27, 2011 in Fight Night Results
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Tonight on Tuesday Night Fights, live from Toronto, three matches featuring the debut of three new superstars!

[Pyro goes off as CLAW Tuesday Night Fights begins.  The theme song, “Fight Song” by Marilyn Manson, plays as clips roll of big sweaty men slamming each other with meaty fists and chairs. Cut to three people sitting at an announce desk with a cheering crowd behind them.]

Mike Kravinchik: Welcome back to C.L.A.W. Tuesday Night Fights, ladies and gentlemen!  I’m Mike Kravinchik, your play-by-play announcer for tonight’s card.  Joing me is former women’s champion, the lovely Miss Paula Brown, as well as my longtime broadcast partner, Bernardo Verezzi. 

[Kravinchik is a slim, white-haired man in his 50s dressed in a neatly pressed suit.  Verezzi is of similar age but heavyset, tanned, with greasy hair and wearing a plaid sport coat over a CLAW T-shirt. Brown is a tatooed, athletic woman in her mid-thirties with short red hair, sporting the ladies’ version of the same t-shirt.]

Mike Kravinchik: We are coming to you live from Ricoh Coliseum at the historic Exhibtion Place in Toronto, in front of a rabid crowd.

Bernadro Verezzi: They want blood, Mike!

MK: That they do, and they might get it, with three big match-ups between top-notch competitors.

Paula Brown:  We have three debuts tonight, Mike, so I expect each of these grapplers will be pulling out all the stops to impress the fans, make a great showing to the C.L.A.W. board of directors, and to try and one-up the other two!

MK: I think you’re right Paula, we are going to see the pecking order here in C.L.A.W. begin to take shape tonight!


MK: Let’s head down to the ring for our first match.

[“Whiskey in the Jar” by Metallica begins to play. Cam Gordy comes down to the ring, head down, scowling, looking very focused and determined.  He shakes the hands of a few fans on the way.  Crowd cheers.]

PB: Cam Gordy is looking very focused tonight.  He struggled in his match with Supa Ringubushi last week, so he’ll be looking to make up for it tonight.

BV: Struggled?  He got his butt kicked.  He’s a loser, he’s boring, and he’s going to get pinned again here tonight.

PB: That’s your prediction?

BV: I’ll bet you 20 bucks on it.

[“Bulls on Parade” by Rage Against the Machine begins to play. The sound of a Harley engine roars through the arena, and Rod Stevenson rides his chopper in, pausing to taunt the crowd and smack a few high fives to biker buddies in the stands.  The rest of the crowd is not sure what to make of him.]

MK: What the hell?  He’s riding a motorcyle down to the ring?

BV: That’s not just any motorcycle, Mike, that’s a custom-built Harley Davidson!  This Stevenson guy has good taste, I’ll give him that!

PB: Taste?  He’s dressed in dirty leather chaps and a ripped biker vest!

MK: Let’s go to our ring announcer, Fred Bueller, for the introductions.

Fred Bueller: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit.  Introducing first, on my right wearing blue trunks, from Calgary, Alberta and weighing in at 222 pounds, he is CAM “THE STRETCHER” GORDYYYYYYYY!!! [Crowd cheers.]

Fred Bueller: His opponent, wearing black, from Hamilton, Ontario and weighing in at 265 pounds, he is ROD “THE BIKER” STEEEEEEVENSOOOOON!!!

PB: Fred holds his syllables funny.

MK: Referee Johnny Green is checking both men for foreign objects.  Looks like he found some brass knuckles on The Biker.

BV: Hey, I like this guy even more!

MK: Green warns Stevenson and tosses the knucks to the outside.  Now he’s trying to get both men to shake hands… and Stevenson slaps Gordy in the face! [Crowd boos*]

PB: That was uncalled for.  What despicable behaviour.

MK: Stevenson backs off and tells the Ref to ring the bell, but Gordy is incensed. [*DING, DING, DING*] Gordy goes right after Stevenson and the Biker cheapshots him with a headbutt!

BV: What excellent psychology!  Stevenson threw him off his game to get the upper hand.

PB: That was a low-down dirty trick!

MK: The Biker follows up with a clothesline.  He’s in complete control!  He measures Gordy and drops a big fist, right in his face!

BV: He’s just manhandling him out there!

MK: Stevenson goes for the cover, grinning at the fans…



Gordy kicks out!

PB: That was a cocky and arrogant cover, no lateral press, didn’t hook the leg.  He is not taking his opponent seriously.

BV: Why would anyone take Cam Gordy as a serious threat?

MK:  Stevenson scoops Gordy up and lays him out with a BIG bodyslam!  Gordy is writhing in pain.

PB: That does serious damage to your lower back, Mike.

MK: The Biker, off the ropes, legdrop!  Right across the throat!  Stevenson goes for another cover…



Stevenson pulls him up!

BV: HA!  I love it!

MK: The Biker is just playing with Gordy out there!  Now he’s slapping him in the face, just humiliating him!

PB: That is so uncalled for.

MK: Wait a minute!  Out of nowhere Cam Gordy takes Stevenson down with a drop toehold!  He goes immediately to a leg grapevine!

PB: Looks like you may owe me $20 after all, Bernardo.

MK: Stevenson howls in pain as Gordy applies pressure to the left knee!  That’s a brutal hold, The Biker may be forced to tap!  No, he manages to roll onto his side and kick Gordy off with his free leg.

PB: Excellent strategy by Gordy.  He needs to work Stevenson’s legs to keep him off a vertical base and prevent him from using his power.

MK: The Biker back up and Gordy quickly slips in with a side Russian legsweep to take him back down to the mat.  Gordy floats over into a cover…


Stevenson kicks out with authority!

BV: Rod Stevenson is a monster.  They make their boys as tough as steel in Hamilton, I tell you.

MK: The Biker now, up on one knee, and drives a thumb right into Gordy’s throat!  The Stretcher goes down, grasping at his neck!

PB: Another dirty move by Stevenson.

BV: Another Brilliant move, you mean.

MK: Stevenson whips Gordy into the ropes.  Stretcher ducks the clothesline, rebounds off the other side… and STEVENSON PLANTS HIM WITH A DDT!!

PB:  That was just brutal!  Gordy was expecting another clothesline and foolishly put his head down, and Stevenson capitalized on his mistake.

MK: Instead of going for an immediate pinfall, Stevenson picks up his opponent.  Looks like he really wants to cause some damage before putting him away.  But what’s this??  Gordy grabs the Biker around the neck, and drives a knee into Stevenson’s chest!

BV: I think he has him by the hair!  Check that, ref!

MK: Another one!  And another!  Gordy just laying into Stevenson with those knee strikes, devasating his ribs and abdomen.  Now he slips around… INTO AN ABDOMINAL STRETCH!

PB: That hurts, Mike!  Stevenson has nowhere to go and his torso is already sure to be aching from those vicious knees!  Now Gordy is wrenching his abdominal muscles and neck at the same time.

MK: Stevenson is in the middle of the ring, he has no chance of a rope break.  Referee is asking the Biker if he submits, and Stevenson pushes him away!

BV: THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!  He was just trying to fight the hold and Johnny Green got too close.

PB: Whatever, Bernardo, you don’t lay your hands on the ref- OH MY!

MK: Stevenson just brought up his leg and mule-kicked Gordy right in the groin!  Green was off balance and didn’t see it!

BV: That was also an accident.  He was just desperate and trying to get out of the hold.

MK: I have a hard time believing that, Bernie, but whatever the case Gordy has released the hold and is in trouble.  Stevenson grabs him and sets him up…

PB: This looks like trouble.

MK: PILEDRIVER!  Rod Stevenson just crushed Gordy’s head and neck with a deadly move.  The Stretcher is out and this one is over.



Three! [*DING, DING, DING*]

BV: What an impressive debut by Rod Stevenson.  He has power, he has guts and determination…

PB: And he’s not afraid to use whatever underhanded tactics he has in order to win.

Fred Bueller:  Here is your winner, ROD “THE BIKER” STEEEEEVENSOOOOOONNN!!! [Crowd boos**]

BV: So, Paula how about that twenty bucks?  I take cash or credit card.  No personal cheques – I learned my lesson when Mike bounced one on me.

MK: Stevenson is heading back up the ramp to celebrate with his biker buddies… looks like they’re passing him a couple of beers!

BV: He won his match, he’s allowed to celebrate!

MK: Yeah, but now he’s getting back on his Harley!

PB: Drinking and driving?  That’s setting a really poor example for all the kids at home, Bernardo.

MK: We would like to let everyone watching at home that Canadian Lucha Action Wrestling DOES NOT condone drinking and driving in any shape or form! We have to take a break, we’ll be right back, folks.



MK: We’re back and we have another big debut coming up next.  Let’s head to the ring.

BV: What’s that smell?

[“Trash Day” by Weird Al Yankovic begins to play.  A gang of sanitation works head down the aisle to ring, grabbing drinks, food and signs from the fans as they go and stuffing it into garbage bags.  Crowd boos.]

BV: Our newest addition to the roster is a garbage man?

PB: I think they prefer to be called sanitation workers.

MK: Garbage Picker is out with a whole entourage of his… associates.  Does anyone know anything about this guy?

PB: I heard he learned to fight in prison from a former MMA specialist, so Mr. Picker is definitely a tough customer, but I’ve never actually seen him in the ring.

MK: Mr. Picker?  Seriously?

[“Higher” by Creed begins to play and Phoenix Rising runs down to the ring, slapping the hands of fans on his way.  He leaps onto the apron and flips over the top rope into the ring.]

MK: And here’s the Mexican sensation, Phoenix Rising, looking to regain some momentum after that loss to Saito and Takeda last week.

BV: They totally owned him!

PB: I think it came down to Supa Ringubushi’s underhanded tactics, actually.  Rising is an experienced and versatile competitor, and this will be a big challenge for the debuting Mr. Picker tonight.

BV: Why do you keep calling him Mr. Picker?

PB: Because just “Picker” sounds weird.

Fred Bueller: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit. Introducing first, on my right, wearing… filthy grey coveralls, from Etobicoke, Ontario and weighing in at an even 200 pounds, he is GAAAAARBAGE PICKERRRRRRR!!! [Crowd boos*]

MK: I think the fans are still upset that his entourage took their refreshments.

BV: Serves them right.  They were probably only going to throw their trash on the floor when they were done anyway.

Fred Bueller: His opponent, wearing red trimmed with yellow, from Tijuana Mexico and weighing in at 160 pounds, he is PHOENIX RRRRRRRRISING!!! [Crowd cheers*]

PB: Garbage Picker is not a big guy, but he still has about 40 pounds on the luchadore.

BV: Everyone is bigger than Phoenix Rising.  Paula, I think you’re probably bigger than he is.

MK: Referee Johnny Green is checking both men for foreign objects.  He pats down Garbage Picker and ew… his hand comes away with something sticky on it.

PB: That’s disgusting.

MK: Garbage Picker now offering a hand to shake. Rising seems apprehensive about shaking it.

PB: Can you blame him?  I can smell the guy from here…

MK: Rising gives the hand a quick slap and we are underway! [*DING, DING, DING*] Rising goes right to town with a quick armdrag takedown. Picker back up and Rising nails another!

PB: Phoenix Rising was a champion gymnast in his youth.

MK: Rising goes for a third and it’s blocked!  Garbage Picker grabs his arm and reverses the takedown right into an armbar!

BV: Holy -!

PB: What a counter!

MK: GP has it locked in! He’s trying to hyperextend the elbow, but Rising is just close enough to get his other hand on the ropes.

PB: That was nearly the quickest match in the history of C.L.A.W.

MK: Referee is calling for Picker to break the hold, but he won’t let go!  Phoenix is screaming in pain!  Referee starts his 5-count, but Picker keeps it locked in!

BV: He has a full 5-second count after his opponent grabs the rope before he has to let go. It’s in the rules!

PB: Since when do you quote rules, Bernardo?

MK: Finally, Picker lets go just after the referee hit five. Green warns GP to take it easy but Picker brushes him off.

PB: Rising is clutching his arm, Mike.  That’s really going to slow him down.

BV: He’s not going to be able to do his fancy armdrags like that!

MK: Rising resorts to other tools, and tags Picker with a big running kneelift! GP back up and Rising tries for a clothesline, but Picker grabs his arm and nails him with a heartpunch!

PB: He just drove his knuckles right up under Rising’s ribs. That one hurts!

MK: Rising goes to one knee, and GP kicks him right in the jaw!  Rising goes down, Picker goes for a rear mount.  Looks like he’s trying to lock in some kind of chinlock or choke hold, but Rising squirms out!

BV: He’s as slippering as the worm at the bottom of a tequila bottle!

MK: Rising bounces off the ropes… flattens Garbage Picker with a flying cross-body into a pin!



Picker easily kicks out!

MK: Rising pulls GP up, sets him up with a standing headscissors.  Looks like Phoenix is setting up for a powerbomb.

PB: We don’t usually see that from Rising.

MK: Rising lifts him up… PICKER REVERSES!  He takes Phoenix Rising down with a picture-perfect headscissors takeover!

BV: How about a taste of your own medicine?

MK: Rear-chin lock applied!  GP wrenching on Rising’s neck, but the luchadore is scrambling to get away.

PB: His foot is on the ropes!

MK: Referee sees it!  He orders GP to break the old, and PICKER PULLS HIS OPPONENT OFF THE ROPES!

BV: Oh, that was brilliant.

MK: Johnny Green demanding Garbage Picker break the hold, but GP just wrenches back harder!  Ref starting another five count.

PB:  The count is pointless!  Green should just disqualify him, he obviously has no respect for his opponent.

MK: Once again, Picker breaks the hold right at the five count.  Rising is struggling here.  He needs to catch his breath before… GP grabs him by the legs.  He’s spinning him around the ring!

PB: Giant swing!  I haven’t seen that in years!  It causes all the blood to rush to the victim’s head.  It’s very disorienting, especially after the way Mr. Picker was already stretching Rising’s neck.

BV: He’s making Rising look like a putz!  I love it!

MK:  Picker goes for a cover…



Rising gets a shoulder up!

PB: He’s hurting out there.  Rising is holding his head.

MK: GP looks to continue the punishment but Rising takes him down with a droptoehold out of nowhere!  Desperation move, there.  Rising leaps onto the ropes, springs off… but Picker catches him in mid air!  Takes him right down to the mat again!

PB: Phoenix Rising looked to be going for a back elbow, but Mr. Picker countered and took him right down.  Now he’s locked in a triangle choke!

BV: This has to be it!  If Rising has any brains he’ll tap out right now!

MK: Still too close to the ropes!  Rising reaches and grabs the bottom rope with his fingers!

PB: Watch him, ref…

MK: This time Picker breaks the hold!  Drags Rising to his feet, waistlock into… OH MY!

BV: Did you see that!

MK: GP hits a huge bridging belly-to-back suplex and dumped Rising right on the back of his head.  Phoenix Rising is not moving!  Picker with the cover…



Three! [*DING, DING, DING*]

PB: I heard Mr. Picker was planning to use some kind of suplex he called the “Trash Day” to finish off his opponents.  After all the damage he’d already inflicted to Rising’s head and neck, there was no way the luchadore was getting up after that move.

Fred Bueller: Here is your winner, GAAAAARBAGE PICKERRRRRR!!! [Crowd boos**]

MK: An impressive and aggressive debut from the newcomer.

PB: Garbage Picker destroyed Phoenix Rising here.  He’s obviously a talented wrestler, but his lack of respect for the rules and his opponent is disgusting.  Not to mention his smell…

BV: That’s how you learn to fight in prison! You can’t let your guard down at any time, and you can’t go in the shower! It’s no wonder the poor guy smells. I like the Picker, he’s the kind of no-nonsense wrestler I can get behind.  And I certainly enjoyed watching the jumping bean get his ass handed to him.

MK: What’s Garbage Picker doing now?  His entourage is joining him in the ring.  They have a big black trash bag.

PB: Oh, that’s disgusting!

MK: Theyre’ stuffing Phoenix Rising into the trash bag!  Just jamming his limp body in there like he’s yesterday’s garbage!

BV: THIS IS AWESOME!  Mail that back to Mexico on a garbage scow while you’re at it!

MK: We have to take a commercial break, we’ll be right back!

BV: But Phoenix Rising won’t!  He’ll be in a dumpster out behind the arena!


MK: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.  During the break we received HUGE NEWS from Dr. Claw himself!

BV: I’m so excited!

MK: Next week, live here on TUESDAY NIGHT FIGHTS, the first-ever C.L.A.W. Champion will be crowned in an over-the-top Battle Royal!

PB: Should be an exciting bout, Mike. A Battle Royal is a chaotic match, with bodies flying everywhere.  We could see ANYONE come out of it as the CLAW Champion.

BV: It will be awesome!  We will witness history!

MK: It will be something alright, but right now, we have another big match scheduled in our main event!


[The Spider-Man themesong begins to play.  A man in a black skin-tight superhero costume rappels upside down from the rafters to land in the middle of the ring.  Crowd cheers*]

BV: What the hell is he supposed to be?  Some kind of grasshopper?

PB: I think he’s a spider, Bernardo.  See, he even has an hourglass emblem on his back?

BV: So he’s a time-controlling spider?

PB: It’s a black widow!  Did you fail 9th grade science class???

[“World is Mine” by Hatsune Miku begins to play as the areana goes dark. Flashing green and blue lasers strobe through the arena and Takeda and Saito step slowly out onto the stage.  As the music picks up they run to the ring, then pose on the turnbuckles and taunt the crowd. Crowd boos**]

MK: Supa Ringubushi made an impressive debut last week, defeating Phoenix Rising and Cam Gordy in a tag match, but now Yoshi Takeda will be going in alone against Jason Salva.

BV: Yeah, but Saito will still be in Takeda’s corner.

PB: And I’m sure neither of them would ever resort to using that fact to gain an unfair advantage.

Fred Bueller: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit.  Introducing first, on my right, wearing black trimmed with gold, from Aurora, Ontario, weighing in at 160 pounds, he is JASON “THE SPIDER” SALVAAAAAAA!!! [Crowd cheers.*]

MK: Aurora is just outside of Toronto here, so Salva is enjoying the hometown applause.

BV: That’s not going to help him once Saito gets his hands on him.

PB: Saito’s not in this match. He shouldn’t be putting his hands anywhere near Jason Salva.

Fred Bueller: And his opponent, on my left, wearing black trimmed with green, and seconded by his tag team partner Masa Saito.  From Tokyo, Japan, weighing in at 190 pounds, he is YOSHI TAKEDAAAAA!!! [Crowd boos.**]

MK: Even before the ref can start the match, Takeda jumps on Salva and starts pounding him in the corner.  Referee Johnny Green checks with The Spider and he says it’s okay, go ahead and start the match!


PB: That’s some dirty cheap shots by Takeda, but it shows guts from the Spider, letting him start the match anyway.

MK: Salva reverses and throws Takeda out of the corner with a BIG monkey flip!  Takeda right back on his feet and Salva nearly takes his head off with a clothesline!

PB: These guys are just so fast, Mike, they can hit you from anywhere at any time.

MK: Takeda quickly gets back up and Salva whips him into the ropes.  Salva goes for a dropkick but Takeda drops and rolls out of the ring.

BV: Good move, Takeda catch your breath.

MK: Takeda confers with Saito on the floor as the referee starts the ten-count.

PB: Here comes the Spider…

MK: Salva runs across the ring and springs off the top rope… MY GOD!  Springboard plancha!  He flattens both members of Supa Ringubushi with a flying crossbody on the floor!

BV: He’s not allowed to attack Takeda’s partner!  That should be a DQ, right there!

PB: Did you see the height Salva got on the springboard? Impressive…

MK: Salva back on his feet and dragging Takeda up, too.  He rolls his opponent into the ring and look-out, Saito tried to grab him!  But Salva spins around and clocks the big man with a spinning kick to the skull!

BV: He did it again! Ref, do something before that creepy spider guy hurts Saito!

PB: Saito is a 400 pound Sumo wrestler.  I think he can take care of himself.  Besides, it was Saito who tried to interfere first.

MK: Salva quickly climbs to the top turnbuckle as Takeda staggers to his feet in the ring.  Salva flies… flying clothesline!  He goes for the cover…



Takeda kicks out!  That one was close. The Spider now, drops an elbow on his opponent, trying to wear him down.  He pulls Takeda back to a vertical base.

PB: He’s looking for another big move, to finish off the Japanese superstar.

MK: Salva bounces off the ropes… Wait!  He tripped!  Salva falls face-first to the mat!

PB: He didn’t trip, Saito grabbed his foot!

BV: Oh, that was just an accident.  Saito was just trying pull himself up and that idiot Spider stepped on his hand.

MK: Whatever happened, the ref didn’t see it, and now Takeda jumps on his stunned opponent and plants a legdrop across the back of his head!

BV: That’s smart wrestling.

MK: Takeda picks Salva up… ENSUGIRI!  Another shot to the back of the head and the Spider goes down.

PB: Jason Salva is seeing stars and the effects of Saito’s interference is really obvious here.

BV: What interference?  I’m not even convinced Saito touched him, that little grasshopper guy is just a klutz.

MK: Takeda goes for the cover, hooks the leg…



Th– Salva gets the shoulder up!

PB: If he had won like that it would have been a terrible travesty of justice.

MK: So do you think either of these guys have a chance of becoming the first-ever C.L.A.W. Champion next week?

BV: I think Yoshi Takeda would be a great champion!  He could be the face of C.L.A.W.! He’s young, athletic, good-looking.

MK: What about Jason Salva?

BV: A freak in a latex jumpsuit as our champion?  I don’t think so!

MK: Takeda now, applies a rear chinlock.

PB: He’s trying to keep Salva grounded and set him up to finish him off.

MK: The Spider is fighting, trying to get back to his feet.  The crowd is behind him, cheering him on. Salva reverses and slips in behind Takeda. OH MY!  The Spider nails Takeda with a devastating belly-to-back suplex!

PB: This could be it!

MK: Salva goes for the cover… where’s the referee?

PB: Saito has climbed up on the ring apron!  Johnny Green is distracted trying to get rid of him, and he doesn’t see the pin!

BV: Saito is probably just pointing out how lousy Green’s officiating has been so far this match. He has a valid complaint!

MK: One, two, three, four, five… this match should be over!  Salva now, jumps back up and heads for Saito HUGE DROPKICK! He just dropkicked the big man off the apron to the floor!

BV: Holy crap, I think he cracked the concrete floor!

MK: Now Salva distracted!  Takeda sneaks in behind and rolls him up for a pin…

PB: Oh, now Johnny Green is in position.

MK: But Salva rolls through!  He reverses into a cover of his own!




BV: That was too close…

MK: Back on their feet, Salva grabs Takeda by the back of the neck!  OH MY!  He nails him with some kind of twisting neckbreaker!  Salva with the cover…



Three! Salva takes the victory!  [*DING, DING, DING*]

PB: I saw Jason Salva practicing that move earlier.  He calls it “The Spider Bite.”  That wrenching motion on the neck can cut off blood flow and cause an opponent to black out, but even if you avoid that, the impact of your face hitting the mat would be enough to stun most guys for the 1-2-3.

Fred Bueller: Here is your winner, JASON “THE SPIDER” SALVAAAA!!!!!!!!! [Crowd cheers**]

MK: Takeda is still out. What’s Salva doing?

PB: That’s the ropes he used to descend from the ceiling earlier.  He’s using them to tie up Takeda!

BV: He can’t do that!  What is he, into some kind of weird BDSM?

MK: Salva has Takeda tied up like a Christmas present, and now he’s pulling the other end of the rope… he’s lifting Takeda up off the mat!  Takeda wakes up and he’s hanging upside down, he has no idea where he is!

PB: Takeda is trapped in the spider’s web!

MK: The crowd loves it!

BV: Here comes Saito, he’ll put an end to this nonsense!

MK: Salva hands Saito the rope and jumps out of the ring.  Saito goes after him… OH MY GOD!!

BV: Saito, you idiot!

MK: Saito let go of the rope and Takeda fell on his head!  Oh, that’s got to hurt!  He fell six feet right on top of his head!  Saito goes to check on his partner while Salva heads out of the arena to cheers from the crowd!

PB: That’s going to mess up his pretty hair…

MK: Sorry folks, we are out of time!  Don’t forget to tune in next week when we’ll have a Battle Royal to determine the first ever C.L.A.W. CHAMPION!

BV: Don’t miss it!


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