RESULTS: CLAW Tuesday Night Fights 10/11/11

Posted: October 11, 2011 in Fight Night Results
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Tonight on Tuesday Night Fights, live from historic Montreal, we have three big matches, including the Heavyweight Champion and the number one contender teaming TOGETHER against Supa Ringubushi!

[Pyro goes off as CLAW Tuesday Night Fights begins. The theme song, “Fight Song” by Marilyn Manson, plays as clips roll of big sweaty men slamming each other with meaty fists and chairs. Cut to three people sitting at an announce desk with a cheering crowd behind them.]

Mike Kravinchik: Welcome back to C.L.A.W. Tuesday Night Fights, ladies and gentlemen! We are just one week away from HOGTOWN HOSTILITY in Toronto. Tonight we’re live from the Centre Pierre Charbonneau, in Montral, Quebec. I’m Mike Kravinchik, your play-by-play announcer for tonight’s card. Joing me is former women’s champion, the lovely Miss Paula Brown, as well as my longtime broadcast partner, Bernardo Verezzi.

[Kravinchik is a slim, white-haired man in his 50s dressed in a grey polo shirt. Verezzi is of similar age but heavyset, tanned, with greasy hair and thick chest hair mixed with too many gold chains. Brown is a tatooed, athletic woman in her mid-thirties with short red hair, sporting a cut-off CLAW wrestling t-shirt.]

Bernardo Verezzi: Mike, I’m just beside myself! The new champ, Rod “The Biker” Stevenson, is here tonight! And he’s going to be in the ring with Saito and Takeda!

Paula Brown: Don’t get too excited, Bernardo. Don’t forget Rod has to team with his opponent for Hogtown Hostility, Garbage Picker, in that match. And if they can’t get along together, they lose that shot!

MK: There’s alot of intriguing questions tonight, folks, so let’s head right to the ring for our first match so we can start getting answers!

OPENER: RON “THE ANTIQUARIAN” DONALDSON vs. PIERRE BOHEME

[A rousing rendition of “Claire de Lune” begins to play. The Antiquarian enters riding a penny-farthing bicycle. After he locks the bike to the railing, he runs down the aisle distributing flyers for his unsuccessful antiques store to eager fans. Crowd cheers*]

BV: What the hell is he doing?

MK: Making an entrance in style, Bernie!

BV: No, Rod Stevenson makes an entrance in style. He rides in on Harley. Donaldson is riding a… what the hell is that thing, anyway?

PB: It’s a penny-farthing bicycle.

BV: It looks like a death trap.

PB: Well, I guess Ron Donaldson is a thrill-seeker.

[“La Marseillaise” begins to play. Boheme comes to the ring wearing a beret and waving a Quebec flag. He has a French baguette and a wheel of cheese under the other arm. Crowd cheers**]

MK: Interesting. You don’t usually hear cheers for Pierre Boheme.

BV: The Montreal fans know a winner when they see one!

PB: Obviously not, if they’re cheering for Pierre Boheme. He doesn’t have the best win-loss record here in C.L.A.W.

BV: That’s gonna change tonight, I can feel it. The crowd can feel it, too!

MK: Boheme is waving a Quebec flag, instead of his usual French flag, trying to get the fans behind him tonight. Let’s throw it to Fred Bueller for the introductions.

[The Ring announcer, Fred Bueller, is a middle-age man with a snazzy haircut, too much spray tan and an ugly purple zebra-print sport jacket.]

Fred Bueller: Ladies and gentlemen, our opening match-up is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit. Introducing first on my right, dressed in a sweater vest, from Penetanguishene, Ontario, weighing in at 260 pounds, he is RON “THE ANTIQUARIAN” DONALDSOOOOOOOOOON!!!! [Crowd cheers*]

BV: Where’s he from?

PB: Shut up, Bernardo.

Fred Bueller: His opponent, wearing white and blue stripes, he is from Quebec City via Paris, France, weighing in at 260 pounds, PIERRE BOHEME!!!!!!! [Crowd cheers**]

MK: The referee for this contest as always is Johnny Green. He pats down both men for foreign objects. Looks like he found something on Boheme. Is that a corkscrew?

BV: You always have to be ready to pop a bottle of wine, Mike.

PB: I’ve seen worse objects used as a weapon.

MK: Boheme just shrugs as Green tosses the corkscrew away. Crowd seems to like that. Ron Donaldson offers a handshake to his opponent.

BV: Who wrestles in a sweater vest, anyway? I thought you said he was an ex-cage fighter, Paula?

PB: I swear I saw this guy in an MMA bout about 8 years ago! He was vicious! I’ve never seen such aggression and ruthlessness, and I used to wrestle with guys whose favorite holds included thumbtacks and flaming tables.

MK: I have a note hear that says Donaldson underwent several years of anger managment classes.

BV: You sure it wasn’t several years of basket weaving classes?

MK: After some stalling and playing to the crowd Boheme finally accepts the handshake, and then slaps Donaldson in the face! He knocks his glases right off!

PB: That was uncalled for.

MK: Donaldson seems to be apologizing to Boheme? What? Boheme hit him!

BV: What a loser.

MK: Donaldson bends down to pick up his specs, and BOHEME KICKS HIM IN THE GUT! [*DING, DING, DING*]

PB: That was a cheap shot. Boheme seems to be willing to take some short cuts to win this thing.

BV: It’s called doing what it takes! If you want to be successful and capture those winner’s purses, you have to be ruthless in there.

MK: Boheme just laying into the Antiquarian with kicks and stomps. Drops a big knee! Donaldson is scrambling to the corner, trying to get back up… and Boheme nails him with a big running elbow!

BV: This is embarassing.

MK: Donaldson staggers out, and Boheme nails him with a European uppercut! And another one! Boheme scoops him up… BACKBREAKER!

PB: Devastating!

MK: Boheme goes for the cover…

One…

Two… kickout!

MK: Donaldson back on his feet. He appears to be complimenting his opponent on his wrestling skills.

PB: He’s a gentleman, if nothing else.

MK: Boheme shrugs and slaps Donaldson again! And a shot to the jaw!

PB: That looked like a closed fist, Johnny Green needs to keep an eye on that!

MK: Boheme whips his opponent into the corner and follows in with another running elbow! Grabs Donaldson by the sweater vest and yanks him out… looks like he ripped some of the buttons off.

PB: He’s getting that look in his eyes again…

MK: Donaldson is shaking with rage! He’s staring at Pierre Boheme with hunger in his eyes! The Frenchman seems a little concerned here.

BV: Oh please, what’s the art teacher going to do?

MK: Donaldson explodes and drops Boheme with a short-arm clothesline! He jumps on the Frenchman and starts pounding him in the head!

BV: Ach! Who’s using closed fists now??

MK: Johnny Green pulls Donaldson off, but the Antiquarian shrugs him away and drops a huge elbow, right on the centre of of Boheme’s chest! Follows it up with a knee to the forehead!

PB: Look at Donaldson’s face! I’ve never seen such animalistic fury!

MK: Neither has Boheme! He wants no part of this and rolls to the outside for a breather! But look out, Ron Donaldson follows him out!

BV: Ref, stop him before he does something stupid!

PB: I thought you said you have to be ruthless?

MK: Donaldson grabs Boheme and rams his face into the ring post! That’ll knock some teeth loose! Now Donaldson scoops him up… BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Right on the floor!

PB: Boheme is hurting! That’s a combined weight of over 500 pounds landing on his lower back, right out on that concrete floor!

MK: Donaldson completely in control now, but if he’s not careful he’s going to get counted out. He’s looking absolutely enraged out there. He’s picking Boheme up to continue the punishment…

PB: It’s like he snapped or something, after Boheme ripped his vest. He must really like that sweater.

MK: Donaldson now, showing incredible strength. He has Boheme up, looks like he’s going to ram him back-first into the ring post… NO! The Frenchman slips away and Donaldson goes face-first into the post instead!

BV: That weirdo is more worried about hurting Pierre instead of wrestling smart. Look where it’s got him?

MK: Boheme grabs Donaldson… side Russian legsweep on the floor! OH MY! The Antiquarian hit the floor hard. Pierre recovers first and slides back into the ring.

PB: Donaldson is just seconds from getting counted out, Mike, he has to get back in there!

MK: Ron Donaldson slowly to his feet, trying to climb back on the ring apron. Ref’s at a count of nine…

BV: Good night, Ron!

MK: NO! A burst of speed at the last second, and Donaldson slides back into the ring! But Boheme is waiting for him, and quickly drops a knee to the back of the Antiquarian’s head! The Frenchman goes for a cover…

One…

Two…

Kickout!

PB: Looks like Boheme had a handful of a sweater vest there. He’s trying to use it to illegally gain some extra leverage on the pin.

BV: He shouldn’t be wearing a sweater vest anyway!

MK: Boheme now goes to a rear chinlock, continuing the focus on Ron’s head and neck.

PB: See the way Boheme is twisting the neck, there? It’s cutting off blood and air to Donaldon’s brain. Even if it doesn’t knock you out completely, it will still make you very dizzy and disoriented.

BV: With an idiot like Donaldson, it’s not like we’ll notice any difference.

PB: Hey, Ron went to college. He has most of his BA in Museum Studies.

MK: Donaldson fighting back! He’s pulling from some kind of energy reserves! He’s fighting to his feet!

PB: The crowd’s getting behind him, too…

MK: Donaldson shakes him off with an elbow to the midsection. Donaldson is free! Boheme, off the ropes… and Ron stop him with a kick to the gut! Donaldson grabs him with a front facelock… VERTICAL SUPLEX!!

PB: Excellent form by Donaldson on that suplex. He still remembers some of his skills…

MK: Donaldson floats over into a cover…

One…

Two…

Shoulder up!

PB: Donaldson needs to put him away, press this advantage.

MK: The Antiquarian pulling Boheme to his feet! Looks like Pierre grabbed a handful of Ron’s hair though… and a rake to the eyes!

PB: Pierre, not surprisingly, looking for a shortcut.

BV: That wasn’t an eye rake. He was just trying to pull himself up and Donaldson got his face in the way.

MK: Pierre slips behind with a waistlock! He’s looking for his finisher, the Arche de Triomphe! BUT DONALDSON BLOCKS IT!

PB: Donaldson put his leg behind Boheme’s knee to cut off the Frenchman’s leverage. Again, a smart, instinctive reaction by the former cage fighter.

MK: Pierre tries again but Donaldson fights out… and pops Boheme right in the kisser!

BV: What the hell is he doing?

PB: Some sort of walking-like-an-Egyptian move or something.

MK: And again! Donaldson jabs Boheme in the eye! And right on the nose! Boheme is reeling, I think his nose is broken!

BV: That’s no fair ref, no shots to the face!

PB: Well, technically, those are open-handed strikes, so they are allowed.

MK: Donaldson continues to King Tut Boheme right in the face! The Frenchman’s is bleeding, I think one of those really did break his nose!

PB: To “King Tut?” Is that a verb?

MK: Boheme goes down and Donaldson quickly rolls him up for the cover!

One!

Two!

Three!!! [*DING, DING, DING*]

Fred Bueller: Here is your winner, RON “THE ANTIQUARIAN” DONALDSOOOOOOONN!!! [Crowd cheers**]

BV: What the hell kind of move was that? He just poked Boheme in the face over and over again!

PB: Those were some nasty strikes, Bernardo. He probably broke the Frenchman’s nose, and could have blinded him!

MK: Whatever the case, the King Tut was effective, and Ron Donadlson picks up the win in his first singles match here in C.L.A.W. I predict big things for this talented competitor.

BV: Talented competitor? He wrestles in a sweater and pokes people in the face!

PB: That doesn’t mean he can’t handle himself in the ring.

MK: We’ll be right back.

[COMMERCIALS. Get your official gear at the CLAW Shop!]

MK: We’re back and do we have a big match-up next! CLAW’s first-ever Mixed Gender Tax match! We…

[Mike is interrupted as “Bull’s on Parade” by Rage Against the Machine begins to play in the arena. Crowd boos loudly as Rod Stevenson rides down to ringside on his Harley, the CLAW Heavyweight Championship Belt across his shoulder.]

BV: The Champ is here!

PB: He’s only the champ because of a cheapshot from behind with a ring bell.

[Stevenson parks his bike at ringside and gets into the ring, posing with the title. The crowd continues to boo and jeer, except for a small contingent of bikers in the front row.]

MK: The crowd is showing their displeasure at the way Stevenson won the title last week. Well, all of them except that group of what appears to be Hell’s Angels bikers at the ringside area.

PB: We’re in Montreal, Mike, of course there’s Hell’s Angels in the crowd.

MK: Look’s like Stevenson is wearing his new t-shirt. So are some of the bikers at ringside.

BV: It’s now available at the CLAW Shop on our website!

MK: After soaking in the… reception from the Montreal crowd Stevenson seems to be joining here at the commentary desk! Someone get him a headset…

BV: Welcome, Rod! It is an honour to meet you! Congratulations on your title victory last week, it was impressive!

RS: Is this thing on?

MK: We can hear you loud and clear, Rod, and so can all the fans watching at home. Do you have anything to say to our viewers about your victory last week?

RS: Hello, Paula.

PB: Hi, Rod.

RS: That’s a nice top, Paula. It would look great lying next to my…

MK: Okay! We have match about to take place here. Rod, what brings you down to ringside?

RS: I want to get a closer look at some of my competition. Especially that cowboy idiot.

MK: That’s right, Pistol Pete gave you a vicious low blow last week when you offered him a handshake, didn’t he?

RS: Don’t remind me, Mike. I offered the man my hand and my support and he threw it back in my face.

PB: Actually, he threw it back in your balls.

SEMI-FINAL: PISTOL PETE & QUEEN FAT-EMA vs JASON SALVA & CINDY THE PSYCHO CHEERLEADER

[“Il Buono, Il Cattivo, Il Brutto” begins to play as a man walks slowly down to the ring with duster and hat pulled low. He looks around at people. He catches the gaze of a small boy with a “Jason the Spider” sign and holds his stare until the boy starts crying. Once in the ring pulls out his six shooter and fires at the four corners in rapid succesion. Crowd boos.]

MK: Here comes the man in question now, the gunslinger Pistol Pete.

PB: He was impressive in his debut last week, Mike, dominating Phoenix Rising until he was disqualified for using that same low blow.

BV: He certainly loves to punch his opponents in the balls, doesn’t he?

MK: The bigger story of course coming out of last week was when Pistol Pete eliminated Jason Salva from the battle royal using a ladder, which has prompted Dr. Claw to put the two men in a ladder match at Hogtown Hostility next week.

BV: You should also point out that Pete had to use the ladder, because Salva was hanging above the ring like Peter Pan!

[“She’s A Lady” by Tom Jones begins to play. Four large, oiled bodybuilders come down the aisle carrying Queen Fat-Ema on a throne. She’s eating a bucket of chicken. Crowd boos]

MK: Here comes Pete’s partner, the Queen of Mean, Fat-Ema.

PB: Both Pete and Ema made strong debuts last week, but both were also disqualified for using illegal tactics in their matches. It will be interesting to see if they can work together and keep their anger in check to avoid another DQ this time!

[Pink’s “Stupid Girls” begins to play. Cindy comes down to the ring, alternating between screaming at the fans and begging to know why they don’t like her. She stops in the middle of the aisle to do a cheer routine. “I’m number one! I’m number one!” Crowd cheers**]

BV: Oh, this girl gives me a headache.

MK: Here’s the Psycho Cheerleader, looking to extract a measure of revenge after Ema laid her out with that chairshot last week.

RS: She’s hot.

BV: She’s a little unstable, Rod, you might want to stay away from that one.

RS: I like my girls a little crazy. Keeps life interesting.

[The Spider-Man themesong begins to play. A man in a black skin-tight superhero costume rappels upside down from the rafters to land in the middle of the ring. Crowd cheers***]

MK: Here he is, the Spider, Jason Salva!

RS: Why is he climbing down from the ceiling? It’s so much easier just to come down the aisle like a normal human being.

PB: Jason Salva is anything but normal. He claims he was bitten by a radioactive spider and now has arachnid-like abilities.

RS: You’re making that up.

Fred Bueller: The following contest is C.L.A.W.’s first ever Mixed Gender tag match! According to the rules, male and female competitors cannot face off. If one competitor tags out, their opponent must tag out as well. Introducing first, on my right, dressed in black and hailing from parts unknown. Weighing in at 170 pounds, he is PISTOL PEEEEEEEETE!!! [Crowd boos]

His partner, wearing a filthy greased stained sweat shirt, from Guttertown, Ontario and weighing in at 170 pounds, she is QUEEN FAT-EEEEEEEEEEEMA!!!! [Crowd boos]

MK: These two can certainly do some damage. Let’s see if they can play by the rules enough to actually make an impact here.

Fred Bueller: Their opponents, on my left, she is wearing white and pink, from Houston, Texas and weighing in at 140 pounds, here is CINDY THE PSYYYYYYYYCHO CHEEEEEEEEERLEADER!!! [Crowd cheers**]

Her partner, wearing black trimmed with gold, from Aurora, Ontario, weighing in at 160 pounds, he is JASON “THE SPIDER” SALVAAAAAAA!!! [Crowd cheers***]

BV: Hopefully little miss muffet isn’t afraid of spiders.

MK: Johnny Green is trying to get the competitors into their corners, looks like the ladies will be starting off this match.

RS: All right, some girl on girl action, cool.

BV: Rod, I wish you were my regular broadcast partner.

[*DING, DING, DING*]

MK: There’s the bell and Cindy immediately jumps Ema, driving her to the mat with a diving clothesline! She’s all over the Queen, punching her and pulling her hair!

PB: She’s looking to get revenge for that beatdown at the hands of Ema last week.

BV: I think both girls gave pretty good last week, Paula. They both walked out of here with blood on their hands and faces.

RS: Really?

BV: You should have seen it, Rod, it was pretty sweet.

RS: I’m going to have to start watching this show.

MK: Referee pulls Cindy off, allowing Ema to get back to her feet, and now Ema goes right for the take down! she mounts the cheerleader and starts laying in with strikes to the head!

RS: Did one of them sleep with the other one’s boyfriend or something? These chicks are fierce.

MK: Green breaks it up once again and Cindy quickly goes for the tag in the corner. That brings in Jason Salva, which means Pistol Pete must also come in for his team.

BV: Look at Ema! She doesn’t want to get out of the ring! Johnny Green having to physically push the Queen out of the ring!

MK: With the referee distracted, Pete comes in and OH MY!! Pete nails Jason Salva with the low blow out of nowhere! Green didn’t see it! Ema out now, and the ref turns just as Pistol Pete goes for the cover!

One…

Two… shoulder up!

PB: What is with this guy and all the low blows?

RS: He’s a dirty rat bastard, that’s what’s up with that guy. It’s a real piece of work that goes around punching another man in the balls.

PB: Well Rod, you did hit Garbage Picker in the back of the head with the ring bell last week.

MK: Pistol Pete now drags Salva to his feet, looking to press his early advantage. He takes the Spider down with a quick belly-to-belly suplex! Salva pops back up and Pete nails him with a HUGE exploder suplex!

BV: He didn’t get up so fast after that one!

PB: Pistol Pete is a suplex machine. He is so sharp and quick that I don’t understand why he resorts to underhanded tactics.

MK: Pete goes for another cover…

One…

Two…

Kick out!

PB: Salva has not been able to get into this match since Pete’s early low blow.

MK: Pete now, hooks the neck from behind… rear naked choke! He cinches it in! Salva is in the middle of the ring with nowhere to go! He’s going to have to tap!

BV: Watch out for the crazy cheerleader!

MK: Cindy comes and kicks Pete in the head to break the hold!

PB: That’s the trick with tag wrestling, you can never take your eyes off the other man – or women – across the ring.

MK: Referee trying to force Cindy out of the ring… AND HERE COMES EMA! She clotheslines Cindy right over the top rope to the floor! And now she’s following her out!

RS: I take it back. I don’t think I want to get anywhere near those women.

MK: Cindy and Ema brawling once again on the floor… Ema tags Cindy with a big headbutt, then takes her down with a spinebuster on the floor! Absolutely brutal! Green is out there, trying to break it up…

PB: But the legal men are still inside the ring!

MK: That’s right, Paula! Salva has recovered now, and takes Pistol Pete down with a big dropkick. Follows up with an elbow drop, right to the sternum! Crowd is on their feet and Salva is climbing the turnbuckles!

BV: I hate it when they do this…

MK: MOONSAULT! Picture-perfect back-flip off the top rope lands perfectly, right on Pete’s chest! Salva goes for the cover… where’s the referee!?

PB: He’s still out trying to pull the women apart on the floor!

MK: One, two, three, four… Salva should have this match won, but there’s no ref to make the count! The Spider goes over to the ropes, calling for the referee to get back in the ring.

RS: That’s not a smart move…

MK: Pistol Pete grabs Salva from behind with a quick roll-up! NOW Green slides back into the ring!

One…

Two…

Kick-out!

BV: I thought he had him!

PB: I think he had a fistfull of Salva’s tights, trying for extra leverage. Green should be watching more closely out there.

MK: Salva back up, heads to the corner. Pistol charges in and the Spider slips out of the way! Pete hits the turnbuckle hard. Now Salva, with knees to Pete’s chest… BIG monkey flip sends Pistol Pete half-way across the ring! Pete pops back up and Salva tags him with with a spinning heel kick to the jaw!

PB: What do you think Rod, can you move that fast?

RS: Pfft. All that flipping and jumping around, it’s a waste of time and energy. I don’t need to do that crap to win.

MK: Salva goes for a cover…

One…

Two… kick out!

BV: Looks like Ema has returned to her corner.

MK: And Pete makes a dive there to go for the tag, which brings Cindy back in as well.

PB: The cheerleader is looking rough, Mike. She took quite a beating from Queen Fat-Ema out on the floor.

MK: Cindy is indeed slow getting into the ring, and Ema is waiting for her! Lays the boots to her even before she steps through the ropes! Headlock applied, swinging neckbreaker! OH MY!

PB: Cindy’s legs got caught in the ropes as Ema flipped her over on that neckbreaker! That was particularly devastating, she wrenched the cheerleader’s neck really badly.

MK: Ema goes for the cover…

One…

Two…

Cindy gets her foot on the ropes!

BV: Hey Rod, where are you going?

MK: The Heavyweight Champion, Rod Stevenson has suddenly stood up and left the announce desk here at ringside. Looks like he wants to get a closer look at the action. Meanwhile Ema has pulled cindy to the middle of the ring and pulls her up into a front face-lock. Lifts her vertical…

PB: Excellent strength by the greasy one! Looks like she’s going for a BIG vertical suplex…

MK: NO! Brainbuster! Ema drops Cindy, right on top of her head! Cindy is out! This could be it! The Queen goes for the cover…

One…

Two…

Thre- NO! Salva breaks up the count!

BV: Not smart, spider-boy!

MK: Ema goes after Salva! Pounding and punching him up against the ropes! Referee Johnny Green is trying to pull them apart!

PB: What’s Rod Stevenson doing?

MK: On the far side of the ring, the champion pulls Pistol Pete down of the ring apron! He’s getting involved, he’s… OH MY GOD!

BV: That’s gotta hurt…

MK: LOW BLOW! Stevenson nails Pistol Piete with a low blow!

PB: I guess that’s payback for the battle royal.

MK: The ref didn’t see it, the match is still going on! Cindy gets back to her feet… grabs Ema by the back of the head… BULLDOG! Hairpull bulldog drives Ema’s face right into the mat!

PB: Cindy is slow getting back to her feet. She’s still trying to shake the cobwebs out after that brainbuster.

MK: Ema is crawling to her corner, looking to make a tag… but Pete is still on the floor recovering from Stevenson’s low blow! Ema is all alone, and now Cindy pulls her up… locks on a headlock with Ema’s face in her armpit!

BV: Ew.

MK: Cindy runs up the turnbuckles… SMELLS LIKE TEEN ARMPIT! She leaps through the air and drives Ema’s head into the mat!

PB: This one’s over!

MK: Cindy covers…

One…

Two…

Three!!! [*DING, DING, DING*]

Fred Bueller: Here are your winners the team of CINDY AND JASON SALVAAAAAAAA!!! [Crowd cheers****]

PB: That is a brutal loss for Pete going into his title match with Salva next week. He’s going to have to shake it off and go in with a clear head if he hopes to have any chance at that Ladder Match!

MK: It was a close match, but the equalizer was the Champion, Rod Stevenson. I guess that’s a lesson: the Biker settles his scores.

BV: You’re damn right he does! I like Pistol Pete, but you can’t disprespect Stevenson and expect to walk away without paying for it.

MK: salva and Cindy continue to celebrate in the ring. Looks like he’s hitching the cheerleader up in his “webs.” Yes, there they go! Salva and Cindy ascend to the rafts to the cheers from the crowd!

PB: Looks like she got caught in his web.

BV: She’d better be careful or he’ll suck her blood out.

MK: Ladies and gentlemen, don’t go away! Our main event is next!

[COMMERCIALS. Get your official gear at the CLAW Shop!]

MAIN EVENT: SUPA RINGUBUSHI! vs ROD STEVENSON & GARBAGE PICKER

MK: Welcome back! The Heavyweight Champion, Rod Stevenson is still in the ring after costing Pistol Pete and Queen Fat-Ema their match just moments ago, and now here comes his partner for the bout!

[“Trash Day” by Weird Al Yankovic begins to play. A gang of sanitation works head down the aisle to ring, grabbing drinks, food and signs from the fans as they go and stuffing it into garbage bags. Crowd is mixed****]

MK: Here comes Garbage Picker with his entourage.

PB: The fans are torn on Mr. Picker it seems. Some dislike his ruthless ways inside the ring, but others hate Rod Stevenson even more, and want to see GP give the champion his comeuppance.

BV: I like Picker, I really do, but I gotta say I don’t think he has much of a chance against the Biker next week. Stevenson is a real champ. Garbage Picker is just not in the same league.

MK: Whatever happens next week, the big story is right now: Dr. Claw said that these two men HAVE to work together to win tonight! If they don’t, they’re out of the main event at HOGTOWN HOSTILITY! Picker loses his title shot and Stevenson loses his championship.

BV: That sounds a little harsh to me, Mike, I think Dr. Claw is letting the power go to his head.

PB: Dr. Claw wants the two of them to get to Toronto in one piece, so he needs to lay down the law. Besides, he owns C.L.A.W. so he can pretty much do what he wants.

MK: Picker now joins Stevenson in the ring! The two men stare each other down! The crowd wants them to go right now!

BV: Stevenson is so much bigger than Garbage Picker, he’s going to tear him apart!

PB: The Biker is a mean S.O.B. no about about that, but Picker is not showing any fear! He learned to fight in prison, he’s probably faced plenty of bikers, and some bigger than Stevenson.

BV: Yeah, and he was probably naked and in the shower at the time.

MK: Are they going to do it? Neither man is backing down!

[“World is Mine” by Hatsune Miku begins to play and the arena goes dark. Crowd boos ***]

MK: That was close! Takeda and Saito might have showed up just in time to keep Stevenson and Picker from costing themselves their Main Event at Hogtown Hostility!

[Flashing green and blue lasers strobe through the arena and Takeda and Saito step slowly out onto the stage. As the music picks up they run to the ring, then pose on the turnbuckles and taunt the crowd. Crowd boos**]

PB: Look at the size of Saito. He totally dominated the Battle Royal last week, and it looked for awhile that he was going to walk away with the title belt.

BV: For once we agree, Paula. I thought he had it, too. And if anyone had won it besides Stevenson, I would have wanted it to be Masa Saito.

Fred Bueller: The following contest is our MAIN EVENT and is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, on my right, wearing black and green, from Tokyo, Japan, and weighing in at a combined weight of 575lbs, the team of Takeda and Saito, SUPA RRRRRRRINGU-BUSHIIIIIII!!! [Crowd boos**]

PB: Supa Ringubushi have been a dominant team all over the world, and they are currently undefeated in tag team matches here in C.L.A.W.

Fred Bueller: Their opponents… introducing first, he is the number one contender for the CLAW Heavyweight Title, dressed in grey, from Etobicoke, Ontario, weighing in at 200 pounds, he is GARABAGE PIIIIIIICKERRRRRRR!!! [Mixed reaction ****]

MK: Lot of fans in the crowd tonight wearing those new Garbage Picker t-shirts and hats. They hate Rod Stevenson and they need someone to get behind.

Fred Bueller: His partner, dressed in blue jeans, from Hamilton, Ontario, weighing in at 265 pounds, he is the CLAW Heavyweight Champion, ROD “THE BIKER” STEVENSOOOOOOOOONN!!!! [Crowd boos *****]

PB: They love to hate the champ!

MK: All four men in the ring as referee Johnny Green is trying to bring order. They all hate each other in there, this is going to be a brutal and violent match, I suspect.

PB: That’s right, Mike. Garbage Picker eliminated Saito from the battle royal last week, and Stevenson took out Mr. Picker after hitting him from behind with the ring bell. There’s a lot of bad blood in there, and I don’t know if that ring and Johnny Green is going to be able to keep it all under control.

MK: Looks like they’ve decided that Takeda and Garbage Picker will be starting it off, but you can forget about anyone shaking hands in this contest. [*DING, DING, DING*] There’s the bell and Picker goes right for a leg takedown! He’s got Takeda’s legs, and turns him over into a cloverleaf submission!

PB: What an impressive start! GP is looking to end this one fast!

MK: Takeda has nowhere to go! Referee is checking for a tap… and here comes SAITO! Picker releases the hold and backs away!

BV: That was a smart move by the garbage man! Saito would have broken him in half.

PB: Mr. Picker took Saito out of the battle royal last week, Bernardo, I wouldn’t count him out yet.

MK: As the referee works to get Saito back out of the ring, Picker drags Takeda back to his corner and drives and elbow into his shoulder! Still holding the arm.. YES! Armbar applied!

PB: Picker is so fast with those submissions, he can lock you in anywhere in the ring at any time!

MK: Takeda is able to grab the robes, but Picker keeps the pressure on!

PB: Picker is known for waiting to the last possible second to break his hold, but he has to be careful here. If he gets disqualifed for not breaking a count, he loses his title shot at Hogtown Hostility.

MK: Referee has started his five count… Takeda is clawing at that rope and screaming in pain. And finally GP releases the hold at 4 and a half.

BV: It’s a reasonable strategy. He’s still getting the maximum amount of punishment in while still within the rules.

MK: Takeda makes a dive for his corner to look for a tag, but Picker once again catches him by the leg! He’s trying to lock something in, but Takeda turns over and kicks him in the face! Now Takeda is able to make the tag to Saito!

PB: Desperation move by Takeda there.

MK: Saito comes in and Garbage Picker only hesitates for a second before flying in with kicks and punches on the big man! Saito isn’t even fazed! He grabs GP by the hair… HUGE headbutt, and Picker hits the mat!

BV: Good luck locking this guy in a cloverleaf, garbage man!

MK: Picker recovers and goes for a takedown on Saito but it’s not happening! Saito counters and clobbers GP with a huge double-fist to the back!

PB: Mr. Picker’s usual takedowns and holds are just not going to work against a 400-pound man. He’s going to have to pull some extra tricks out of his sleeve.

MK: Saito scoops GP up, TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM! Just spins him around and smashes him down onto the mat like a sack of potatoes! Unreal!

PB: That spinning slam gives extra momentum to the force of the throw, as if you need it from a guy that size.

MK: Saito doesn’t go for a pinfall! He’s just toying with GP as the number one contender tries to call to his corner to make a tag. Although Stevenson doesn’t look very interested in making that tag.

BV: I think he’s flirting with one of those biker ladies in the front row.

MK: Saito grabs Picker by the back of the head and pulls him to his feet. And Picker turns around and hits the big man with a throat strike!

PB: Even through all the fat on his neck, that had to hurt.

MK: Picker goes for the tag, but Stevenson stepped off the apron! He’s gone over to talk to those bikers in the front row!

PB: I know that Stevenson has no respect for his partner, but that is a stupid move. If Picker gets pinned, not only does he lose his title shot, but Stevenson will be stripped of his champsionship as well.

BV: I’m sure Rod has a plan. He’s the champion for a reason, you know!

MK: Saito comes back at Picker, doubles him over with a kick and now sets him up! Looks like he’s going for a powerbomb! NO! Garbage Picker reverses it into a headscissors takedown! He got the big man off his feet!

PB: An excellent counter by Mr. Picker uses Saito’s huge momentum to bring the big man off his feet.

MK: Picker goes for a cover….

One… KICKOUT!

BV: You can’t pin Saito that easily.

MK: Saito gets up and backs into his corner, and Takeda tags himself back into this match! The smaller half of Supa Ringubushi springs off the ropes, goes for a flying kick… AND PICKER GRABS HIM OUT OF MID AIR! Garbage Picker takes Takeda straight down to the mat into a leglock submission!

PB: HOLY–!!! What an impressive counter! The timing and skill to pull off that move is phenominal!

MK: Saito is still in the ring though, and he quickly stomps on Picker’s back to break the hold. As the big man now climbs out of the ring, GP notices Stevenson has returned to the apron. He goes for a tag, but Stevenson turns his back on his partner again!

BV: Rod… I know you have a plan, but you should probably get in there.

MK: Takeda rolls up Picker from behind…

One…

Two… kickout!!

Tekada now, keeping his moment, takes down GP with a Japanese armdrag! Picker back up, and Tekada nails him with an ensugiri kick to the back of the head!

PB: Mr. Picker really needs to make a tag…

MK: Takeda now, climbing the turnbuckle. He’s getting set up for what looks like a moonsault… NO! Stevenson threw him off! Stevenson ran over to the turnbuckle and pushed Takeda down to the mat!

PB: At least he’s finally getting involved in this match.

MK: Both men are down now, crawling to their corners looking for a tag. Stevenson is not offering a hand to GP…

PB: Maybe he’s hoping they wear him down to soften him up for their match next week?

MK: Garbage Picker jumps up… AND SLAPS HIS PARTNER IN THE FACE! Picker rolls out of the ring… the ref is calling that a tag!

BV: Not the way to treat the champ, Picker!

MK: Takeda also tagged in Saito, the big man comes into the ring! He lines up Stevenson and charges into the corner, but the champ sidesteaps and Saito runs smack into the turnbuckle! Stevenson rolls out to the floor, and comes face to face with GP!

PB: Don’t do it, guys! It’s not worth it!

MK: Picker is once again staring Stevenson down! The crowd is on their feet! We could see the Main Event of Hogtown Hostility, right here tonight!

BV: Rod, it’ll cost you your title!

MK: Wait, here comes Takeda, across the ring… suicide plancha – NO!! OH MY GOD! Stevenson caught him in mid air and drilled him with a powerslam, right on the floor!

PB: What impact! Takeda leapt over the top rope and Stevenson just used all his momentum, not to mention his own way, to just destroy him right on the concrete floor! Now what’s he doing?

MK: Stevenson is setting Takeda up for something… the referee is still counting, they’re going to be counted out any moment… Stevenson… oh, my god, he’s going for the piledriver!

PB: A piledriver on the floor could end Takeda’s career!

BV: Rod, no! Don’t do that to Takeda!

MK: Here comes Saito to save his partner! He pushes Stevenson aside, and now all four men are brawling out on the floor!

PB: I guess Stevenson thought since he can’t punish Picker tonight, he’s was going to do it Takeda instead.

MK: Referee is still counting, they only have a few seconds to get back into the ring! OH MY! Saito just rammed Picker into the ring post. AND STEVENSON drops Takeda face-first across the guardrail!

PB: This is just chaos here! Johnny Green needs to get control of this match!

[*DING, DING, DING*]

MK: There’s the bell, I guess Green decided he’s not going to get it back under control!

Fred Bueller: The match has been declared a draw as a result of a DOUBLE-COUNTOUT!!! [Crowd boos****]

BV: So what does this mean? Are Picker and Rod still in the main event?

PB: Well, technically they didn’t lose, so I don’t see why not. But Supa Ringubushi can’t possibly be happy about these results. The champ and Mr. Picker are really going to have to watch their backs going into their match next week.

MK: They’re still brawling here in Montreal, but we are out of time. Remember folks, we are LIVE on Pay-per-View, one week from tonight, with HOGTOWN HOSTILITY! Don’t miss it!

[Eminem and Pink’s “Won’t Back Down” plays as a preview video of Hogtown Hostility airs. Shots of the events leading up to the matches. Stevenson winning the battle royal. Jason Salva and Pistol Pete falling from the ladder. Ema blasting Cindy with a chair. Stevenson nailing Garbage Picker from behind with the ringbell. Saito dominating in the battle royal. Finally a shot of Stevenson and Garbage Picker, staring each other down in the ring as the shot fades to black.]

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