OPENING

Tonight’s show is broadcast from the Windsor Family Credit Union Centre in Windsor, Ontario. The show opens with a recap video package of Rod Stevenson’s brutal assault on the Heavyweight Champion Garbage Picker last week.

   

We cut to Mike Kravinchik, Bernardo Verezzi and Paula Brown at ringside, where they discuss Picker – who is still in hospital and in serious condition. The man responsible, “The Biker” Rod Stevenson, will be in action here tonight against Ron Donaldson. Paula questions whether Stevenson will be in any condition to compete though, since he’s been on a bender for days as a celebration for putting Picker in the hospital. They throw it to the ring.

PROMO #1

       

The theme from “The Good, the Bad & the Ugly” plays as Pistol Pete comes down to the ring.  He says he was robbed yet again last week by a lying, no good bastard, and now he’s in debt to a dirty Mexican. “Heresy” by NIN plays and KD Bacchus comes down to the ring. Bacchus says he may be a bastard, and he may hit people from behind, but he’s not a liar. Bacchus says that he and Pete were even for the “misunderstanding” in the gauntlet match. The reason he hit him last week, explains Bacchus, was because Pete snubbed him when he offered him a good old-fashioned orgy, and then he had to explain to those poor ladies why the guy in the stupid cowboy hat didn’t think they were sexy enough.  Bacchus paid his dues though, and now they’re even again. As for being in debt to the dirty Mexican, Bacchus reminds him he came up with that little tid-bit on all his own.

The mariachi band kicks in and now the dirty Mexican himself, Heuvos Rancheros, comes down to the ring. He says he takes offense to people calling him dirty – he will have you all know he showers twice a day, and only bathes in the most expensive perfumes and colognes. He offers his armpit to Pete to smell. Rancheros swears he will not ask Pete to do anything unsavoury, unlike Mr. Bacchus. Pete says he wants another shot at the Lightweight Title. Rancheros says too bad. Pete says maybe he should just kick Rancheros’ ass anyway, when the Spider Man themesong begins to play.

Jason Salva descends from the rafters, wearing his title belt.  He raises a finger to his lips for quiet. He points at himself, then Pete.  Then he points at Rancheros and Bacchus. Finally he points at the ring.  “Tonight,” says the Spider, as the crowd cheers and he ascends back toward the rafters.  The announcers speculate he just made a tag match for later tonight.

MATCH #1
Queen Fat-Ema vs Ella Sinder (w/Cindy the Psycho Cheerleader)
VERSUS

Ella comes out dressed in red with Cindy in her corner.  Ema goes right after her at the bell, but Ella slips out of the ring to the floor. Ema chases her out and Ella runs around the ring and slips back in. Ema tries to follow and Ella kicks her in the face. Eventually Fat-Ema gets back in, and Ella trips her up with a drop toehold, then stomps on her knee and kicks in her in the face again before bailing from the ring.  The announcers point out how Ella is wrestling smart to frustrate the monster.  Ema tries to grab Ella, but Ella drags her throat-first across the top rope. Ella with more stomps and kicks to her downed foe, until Ema gets up and goes for a bearhug, but Ella reverses and slips into a rear waistlock.  Ella drives a knee into Ema’s kidneys, then takes her down with a neckbreaker.  Ella goes for a cover but Queen Ema throws her off with authority, then grabs Ella for a huge spinebuster.  Now in control, Ema smashes Ella with a hug knee drop, then goes to run the ropes but gets tripped by Cindy the Cheerleader.  Referee didn’t see it, and with Ema distracted Ella Sinder rolls her up for a quick pinfall, illegally putting her feet on the ropes for leverage.  Post-match, Ella and Cindy beat a hasty retreat up the aisle, and Queen Ema chases them, screaming profanities.
Winner: Ella Sinder by pinfall by illegally using the ropes

PROMO #2

Pistol Pete is up in the rafters of the arena.  He finds Jason Salva, lounging in a huge spider web stretched betwen the beams. Pete suggests that if he and Salva win tonight, he should get a rematch for the Lightweight Title.  Salva thinks about it a moment, then hands Pete an apple and scurries away into the darkness.

PROMO #3

In a dark room, a huge dark man in a white tuxedo sits playing cards and smoking a cigar.  He says in a few weeks, CLAW is going to know what it’s like to gamble.  Everyone who steps in the ring with him will be rolling the dice, and better hope they don’t draw the Dead Man’s hand. In a few weeks, the luck of every other wrestler in CLAW will run out, because “The Gambler” Deuce Davis will roll into town and break the house.

MATCH #2
Supa Ringubushi vs The Christian Brothers (w/Sister Mary Mercy)
  VS

The Christian Brothers are a veteran tag team dressed as preachers, escorted to the ring by a sexy nun. Takeda starts off with John Michael Baptist, and Baptist takes control with a wristlock into a neckbreaker, followed by a spinebuster. Takeda makes a quick tag to Saito, who turns the momentum of the match. The former sumo overpowers Baptist, hit big chops and a tilt-a-whirl slam. He tags Takeda back in, who comes off the top rope with a moonsault for a two count. Supa Ringubushi continue to make quick tags, keeping Baptist isolated in their corner as they wear him down. Baptist finally manages to escape by ducking an ensuigiri kick from Takeda, then hitting a quick snap suplex. Baptist makes a quick tag to Mark Gideon, and the bigger Christian Brother cleans house, nailing both Japanese wrestlers with lariats before flattening Takeda with a chokeslam. Saito breaks up the pinfall attempt. Takeda fakes an injury, and while the referee is distracted Saito hits Gideon with a low blow, then the Sumo knocks Baptist off the ring apron. Supa Ringubushi team up to hit the MEGA SUPER IMPACT and Takeda covers Gideon for the 1-2-3.
Winner: Supa Ringubushi by pinfall after the MEGA SUPER IMPACT!

PROMO #4

Ron Donaldson is backstage, stepping out of the showers wearing only a towel and pink flip flops.  He heads for the locker room, explaining to the camera that he’s getting ready for his big match with Rod Stevenson. Ron says it’s going to be tough, but he has a trick or two up his sleeve. He steps into the locker room to discover that his bags have been rifled through and all of his sweater vests are gone.  Donaldson goes berserk, trashing the locker room.

PROMO #5

Rod Stevenson rides down to the ring on his Harley.  He’s half-drunk and in a great mood. He says Garbage Picker is not here tonight because he’s in the hospital after Stevenson tore him a new hole.  He warns the Picker to take his time, and to think long and hard while he’s healing in the hospital, and question whether or not he really wants to get back into the ring with the Biker.  He goes on to say he’s not really in the mood to kick anyone’s ass tonight, he’s in such a good mood, but if he’s got to bust a few heads he will do it in the name of professional integrity.

MATCH #3
Rod “The Biker” Stevenson vs “The Antiquarian” Ron Donaldson

Ron Donaldson’s music plays but the Antiquarian never shows up. The announcers say he was last spotted running out of the building bare-ass naked, screaming at the top of his lungs. Stevenson smiles and rides back out of the arena.
Result: No contest

PROMO #6

A big burly dude in a hockey jersey is shown lacing up his boots. In a french Canadian accent, he explains that his name is Roch Rochon, and he was a professional hockey player until he was banned from hockey for being too violent.  He says he doesn’t know how to do anything but fight, so he’s coming to CLAW to do what he does best – put people on ice.

MAIN EVENT
Heuvos Rancheros & KD Bacchus vs. Jason Salva & Pistol Pete

    VERSUS  

The announcers assume that if Pete and Salva wins, Pete will get his title shot, though they admit Salva never really answered Pete’s request earlier. Bacchus starts off in the ring with Pete, and the cowboy explodes on offence, hitting a belly to belly suplex and two rolling belly to back suplexes for a near fall. Pete tags in the Spider, who continues the assault with a springboard plancha and an elbow drop for a two count. Bacchus tries to make a tag to Rancheros but the Mexican is on the outside, flirting with a girl in the front row. Pete tags back in and stomps on Bacchus, before Bacchus rolls him up with an surprise cradle for a near fall. Bacchus comes back with a flurry of kicks, battering Pete into the corner, where he sets the cowboy up in tree-of-woe and nails him with a baseball slide to the face.  Bacchus gets a nearfall before screaming at Rancheros to get back in the ring. Pete tags back out to Salva, who hits Bacchus from behind with a flying dropkick and knocks him right out of the ring. Salva follows with a suicide dive that levels Bacchus. The Spider and Rancheros stare each other down on the floor for a moment before Bacchus hits Salva from behind and bulldogs him on the floor. Bacchus rolls Salva back into the ring for another two count. It looks like Rancheros is finally going to make a tag to Bacchus, but Salva hits Bacchus from behind with a belly-to-back suplex.  Salva tags in Pete, who nails Bacchus with an exploder suplex, but accidentally hits Salva with Bacchus’ foot as he goes down. As Pete checks on his partner, Rancheros blind tags himself in, runs up behind Pete and rolls him up with a cheap roll-up pin for a quick three count.
Winner: Heuvos Rancheros and KD Bacchus by pinfall

Post-match, Rancheros high-tails it out of the arena, leaving Bacchus alone with two very angry opponents. The three of them circle each other in a Mexican stand-off.  Pete yells at Salva for costing him his title shot. Bacchus offers to help Pistol Pete take out Salva, but as soon as Pete turns his back Bacchus nails him from behind with the Kiss of the Bacchae.

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