CLASSIC CARDS: NACW Prince of Pain PPV 05/20/1999 (part 1)

Posted: March 23, 2012 in Classic Cards
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It’s time for a hardcore blast from the past! North American Championship Wrestling lasted only a few years around the turn of the millennium, but in that short time they put off some memorable wrestling events. PRINCE OF PAIN was the culmination of a bloody death match tournament to crown the toughest wrestler in NACW.

[The following program is dedicated to the memory of Tammy Miller. 1972-1999.]

[Clips are shown of the past three weeks, of the feud between Hank Brimstone and Meltdown.The promo begins by showing Brimstone and Meltdown still together in the Army, then Brimstone turning his back on Mr. Discipline and joining with Frenzy. It goes on to show Meltdown and President Jackson form the new Army of Annihilation, and shows clips from their first title match two weeks ago. Mike Kravinchik, who was doing commentary for the promo, ends by saying that it all ends here tonight.]

[The Prince of Pain logo appears, and clips are then shown from the death match tournament. Finally the shot goes into the live feed inside the Seattle Centre Arena in Seattle, Washington, and the crowd is going mad. Scene shifts to the announce table at ringside.]

Kravinchik: Hello ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Prince of Pain pay-per-view! I can barely hear myself think inside this sold-out Seattle Centre Arena. Thanks for joining us this evening. I’m Mike Kravinchik and I’m joined here at the broadcast location with my esteemed collegues Bernardo Verezzi and Rip “The Ripper” Anderson. What do you fellas think of the card tonight?

Verezzi: Blood! We’re going to see lots of blood!

Rip: I’m going to have to agree with Bernardo, though I’m not quite so excited about it. With three Death Matches, and a Hell-in-the-Cell main event, we’re going to see some extreme violence here tonight.

Verezzi: And don’t forget the six-man no-holds barred tag match! I bet President Jackson is going to make Mordred and his goth buddies bleed like pigs. Have you seen him training? He’s turning into a regular James Bond!

Kravinchik: Or “honorable” boss has been training hard the past two weeks, but I’m really alot more interested in our two main events tonight. First, we are going to crown the first ever Prince of Pain, and then we’re having a champion vs. champion Hell-in-the-Cell, last man standing match, winner takes all! Both titles, and the loser has to leave NACW. We weren’t sure if it was actually going to happen but President Jackson made it official last week. Roll the clip.

Jackson: But I’m not done yet, oh, no. I just want to let everyone know that the stips Brimstone demanded for the Main Event at Prince of Pain have been accepted. Hell in a Cell. Both titles on the line. If Meltdown wins, Brimstone is out of NACW for good. If Brimstone wins, and let me tell you, it will be hell for you to be someone as crazy as insane as Meltdown, but if Brimstone wins, then that insanity is gone from NACW.

Kravinchik: That was one week ago on Brawl. I think we’re really going to see the end of someone’s career here tonight.

Rip: Yeah, and it could happen in the Prince of Pain matches. In case everyone at home is wondering, yes, we do indeed have two rings here in the arena tonight, one of which is a specially designed Death Match ring, which will only be used for the Prince of Pain matches.

Verezzi: That way they don’t have to worry about hosing it out between bouts.

Kravinchik: “Hosing it-?” Bernardo, you really are sick. Let’s just get down to the STANDARD ring for our first match up.

Fred Bueller: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit. Introducing first… [The theme from Black Belt Jones begins to play. Crowd is indifferent.] from parts unknown, weighing in at 190 pounds, the BLAZIN’ NINJA!!!

[The Blazin’ Ninja makes his way to the ring.]

Verezzi: Who is this guy?

Kravinchik: We’ve seen him before, he made several brief appearances a few months ago, though this will be his first official match. There’s not much in his scouting reports so this one is going to be a surprise for everyone.

Fred Bueller: And his opponent… [The Oscar Meyer theme song begins to play. Downtown Mayhem appears, rolling a hotdog cart down to the ring. Crowd is on their feet.] from Desperation, Nevada, a member of the Missionaries of Madness, weighing in at 230 pounds, MEAN WEEN!!!

[Mean Ween leaps out of the hotdog cart and he and Downtown jump into the ring to the screaming of the fans.]

Rip: We have two of NACW’s most popular guys back here tonight after a short hiatus. We haven’t seen many antics from the Missionaries lately so I hope that’s going to change.

Verezzi: You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re not a fan of those freakin’ lunatics, too are you?

[Michael Wu steps into the ring to interview Downtown and Mean Ween.]

Downtown: Howdy howdy you ready to get rowdy rowdy!!??

[Crowd begins to chant: “STE-VEN! STE-VEN!”]

Downtown: I hear my name! I HEAR MY NAME!!

Michael Wu: Downtown, on behalf of NACW, I would like to welcome you back, along with Mean Ween. I’m glad you survived your little run in with the law.

Downtown: Yeah, I’m getting used to it. Everytime they find some shit in the locker room, they always come after me. I’m just a scapegoat. I’m a victim of the system. Fight the power, man! [Crowd cheers again.] Okay, anyway, tonight is my buddy Ween’s turn to shine, so I’ll shut up. Let’s just say there’s some unfinished business between the Missionaries and you, Mr. Ninja. I hope Ween gives you what you deserve here tonight.

Michael Wu: Mean Ween, do you have anything you’d like to add?

Ween: Yeah. Ninja, I’m gonna beat da’ hole off you!!

[Crowd cheers. Mean Ween and Downtown grab Wu, and pull his shirt off. Underneath, he’s wearing a Missionaries of Madness t-shirt. Crowd is deafening. Blazin’ Ninja attacks Mean Ween from behind.]

Rip: We are underway here!

Kravinchik: Pete Hard is the official for this match-up.

[Bell rings. Ninja hits Ween with a back heel kick. Ninja hits Ween with a roundhouse punch. Ween stumbles into the corner. Ninja backs up and nails him with a running splash.]

Kravinchik: Oh, my! The Blazin’ Ninja is all over Mean Ween, he’s really putting the screws to him.

Verezzi: Yeah, Ninja, beat da hole off him! *snicker*

[Ninja nails Ween with a falling headbutt. Cover by Ninja. Pete Hard counts… 1… 2… kick out. Mean Ween struggles to his feet. Ninja nails him with a flying dragon kick.]

Rip: What a Blazin’ kick! This Ninja is unbelievable, he doesn’t slow down at all.

[Ninja pulls Ween to his feet. Ninja goes for a clothesline but Ween ducks. Ween nails Ninja with a belly-to-back suplex. Ween pulls Ninja to his feet. Ween nails Ninja with a bulldog.]

Kravinchik: Mean Ween is finally managing to turn the tide, let’s see if he can keep it up.

Verezzi: HOT-DOG! HOT-DOG! *snicker*

Kravinchik: What are you doing!?

[Ween covers. Pete Hard counts… 1… 2… shoulder up. Ninja back to his feet. Ninja reverses an Irish whip into the ropes. Ween nails Ninja with a hurricanrana. Ween picks Ninja up and whips him into the corner. Ween sets Ninja up. Ween nails Ninja with a swinging DDT. Ween covers… 1… 2… kick out.]

Rip: I thought he had him there! The Ninja is showing some excellent resiliance.

[Ween pulls Ninja to his feet. Ninja surprises Ween with a single-arm DDT. Ninja climbs to the top rope. Ninja nails Ween with a cannonball splash. Ninja covers… Pete Hard counts… 1… 2… shoulder up.]

Kravinchik: Incredible!

[Ninja locks Mean Ween into a combination ankle/toe lock. Ween is fighting. Pete Hard checking for a tap out.]

Rip: That’s an unusual hold. What would you call that?

Verezzi: The Dragon ankle hold!

Kravinchik: It’s a good a name as any.

[Ween reaching for the ropes. Pete Hard checking for a tap out. Downtown grabs Ween’s hand and pulls him to the ropes.]

Kravinchik: Downtown gives an assist to his friend. I don’t think Pete Hard saw it, and he’s making Ninja break the hold.

Verezzi: Pete is blind, he never sees anything.

[Ninja pummels Ween. Ninja whips Ween into the ropes. Ninja clotheslines Ween over the top rope to the floor. Ninja follows Ween to the floor. They’re brawling on the outside. Ween slams Ninja’s head into the ring apron. Ninja reverses a whip into the guardrail.]

Kravinchik: Pete Hard is counting, those boys had better watch out.

[Ninja nails Ween with an enzuguri kick. Ninja applies a headscissors chokehold. Pete Hard calls for the bell.]

Rip: Looks like these boys have both been counted out. It’s a shame, this was a really good match.

Fred Bueller: This contest has been ruled a double-countout!

[Ninja still hasn’t released the chokehold. Downtown nails Ninja with a chair. Ween gets back to his feet, and he and Downtown stuff the Blazin’ Ninja into the hot dog cart. Fans cheer.]

Kravinchik: We’re sorry that our opening bout left us without a clear victor, but I’m sure there’s going to be one in the next match!

Verezzi: Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Prince of Pain! Texas Death rules! This is gonna be awesome.

Rip: I really think you should have that checked, Bernardo.

Kravinchik: We’ve just gotten word that Kyle Stanley is in the back trying to get an interview with the Urge before his match. Let’s head back there now.

[Backstage, the inside of the Army of Annihilation’s locker room is shown. The energy is high, everyone is pumped, and the P.O’d Posse is gathered around the Urge, cheering him on. Kyle Stanley pushes through the crowd, pushing a microphone into the Urge’s face.

Kyle: Urge! Do you have any words before you upcoming bout?

Urge: Yeah. fu*beep* you!

[The Urge grabs Kyle and throws him against the wall. The P.O’d Posse howls with laughter. Little Bitch kicks the commentator, and Killa is about to hit him with a chair, but Donald Jackson tells them to stop. Kyle crawls out of the locker room, and the Urge picks up his microphone.]

Urge: Chronic, I gotta couple words for you, too. *ahem* Fu*beep* you!

[The Urge throws down the mic and heads out of the locker room.]

Rip: Stirring words from a poet of a man.

Kravinchik: I’m glad Kyle got out of there in one piece.

Verezzi: How much you wanna bet someone isn’t going to get out of this next match in one piece?

Fred Bueller: The following contest is a Prince of Pain match scheduled for one fall with no time limit. Introducing first… [“Jump Right In” by the Urge begins to play. Crowd boos loudly.] from Los Angeles, a member of the Army of Annihilation, weighing in at 265 pounds, THE URGE!!!

[The Urge comes down to the ring, bopping and flipping off fans.]

Kravinchik: The Urge is heading toward our specially designed Death match ring. The ropes have been removed entirely and replaced with barbwire, tables and chairs have been left at ring side, along with a ladder, and there is a baseball bat hanging from the ceiling.

Verezzi: But the best part is there are hidden “surprises” in, around and under the ring. I can’t wait to see what they are!

Fred Bueller: And his opponent… [“Blood Bath” begins to play and the lights dim. Crowd boos.] from Reykjavik, Iceland, a member of the Stoned Alliance, weighing in at 295 pounds, CHRONIC!!!

[Chronic comes to the ring, looking uneasy.]

Rip: Chronic looks nervous.

Verezzi: He’s fooling himself. He doesn’t have the testicular fortitude to compete in a match like this. Take him apart Urge!

[Bell rings. The Urge pummels Chronic. Urge slams Chronic to the mat. Urge continues to pummel Chronic. Urge pulls Chronic to his feet. Urge nails Chronic with a belly-to-belly suplex.]

Kravinchik: Currently this match belongs to the Urge. Chronic better do something quick if he wants to turn this around.

[Chronic rolls out of the ring. Urge follows him to the floor. Chronic low blows Urge. Chronic suplexes Urge on the floor. Chronic picks up a chair. Chronic hits Urge with the chair. Chronic applies an armbar to the Urge.]

Verezzi: What’s he doing? Is Chronic afraid to get into the ring? And there’s no submission holds in this type of match!

Rip: No, but without any rules he could break the Urge’s arm!

[Urge fighting. Chronic tightens the hold. Urge reaches under the ring apron with his free hand.Urge pulls out a two-by-four and hits Chronic with it.]

Rip: Is that one of the surprises they were talking about?

Kravinchik: No telling what’s under that ring!

[Urge chokes Chronic with the 2×4. Urge drives the 2×4 into Chronic’s sternum. Urge tosses a chair into the ring. Urge sets up a table. Urge lays out Chronic on the table. Urge climbs up onto the ring apron with a chair. Urge leaps off the ring apron, but Chronic rolls out of the way. The Urge crashes through the table.]

Verezzi: Nobody home!

[Chronic throws the chair into the ring. Chronic rolls Urge into the ring. Chronic enters the ring. Chronic hits Urge with a chair. Chronic covers… 1…. 2… 3… 4… shoulder up.]

Rip: It’s not over yet! The Urge isn’t going to stay down that easily.

[Chronic sets up the chair. Urge hits Chronic in the back of the leg. Urge drops an elbow onto Chronic’s groin. Urge drives the chair into Chronic’s knee. Urge pulls Chronic to his feet. Urge sets up Chronic. Urge piledrives Chronic onto the chair. Urge covers… 1… 2… 3… kick out.]

Verezzi: Do it again!

[Urge pulls Chronic to his feet. Chronic reverses a whip into the corner. Urge hits the corner and the turnbuckle explodes. Urge screams in pain.]

Kravinchik: Dear God! THAT was one of the surprises??! Who comes up with these insane things! This is absolute madness.

[Chronic covers Urge… 1… 2… Urge kicks out.]

Rip: He’s squirming too much from the pain! You’re going to have to knock him out.

[Chronic sets up the chair again. Chronic pulls Urge to his feet. Chronic nails Urge with a belly-to-back onto the chair. Urge is clutching the back of his head. Chronic puts the other chair on Urge’s face. Chronic drops a leg, sandwiching the Urge’s head between the two chairs.]

Kravinchik: Urge looked like he may have hurt his neck and Chronic showed no mercy by capitalizing on it.

[Chronic covers… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… shoulder up. Chronic drags Urge to the barbwire ropes. Chronic chokes Urge on the barbwire. Urge is bleeding.]

Rip: I can’t believe he’s still going!

[Chronic pulls Urge to his knees. Urge lowblows Chronic. Urge rolls out of the ring. Urge reaches under the ring apron and pulls out a bag. He holds it up and the crowd cheers.]

Kravinchik: Oh, no, I know what’s coming.

[Urge opens the bag and throws it into the rings, sending thumbtacks spilling all over the mat. Chronic backs up, holding up his hands. The Urge climbs into the ring. Urge kicks Chronic in the head. Urge pulls Chronic to his feet. Urge sets Chronic up for a suplex, but is blocked. Chronic reverses with a suplex of his own, laying Urge out on the thumbtacks. Urge screams in pain.]

Verezzi: Woah, momma! That’s gotta hurt!

Kravinchik: I wish there was some way we could stop this match!

[Chronic pulls Urge to his feet. Chronic sets Urge up for the Decapitator. He nails it on a chair. Chronic covers… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… kick out.]

Rip: I don’t believe it! The Urge is still going! He just refuses to quit!

[Chronic sets Urge up for the Decapitator again. Urge kicks Chronic in the groin. Urge nails Chronic with a chair shot that sends him over the ropes to the floor. Urge follows him out. Urge sets up Chronic. Urge nails the Power Surge on the floor.]

Kravinchik: Devastating! This could be it!

[Urge rolls Chronic back into the ring. Urge stacks the two chairs. Urge nails Chronic with another Power Surge onto the chairs. Urge covers… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… 10.]

Verezzi: Urge wins!

Kravinchik: It took two devastating Power Surges but Urge brought Chronic’s dreams to an end, and possibly his career as well. Medical teams and trainers are already in the ring checking on these two men.

Rip: I can’t believe the punishment the Urge just went through! But he gets a chance to go onto the finals of the tournament, but if he wrestles that match it will be in only a little over an hour! He would be insane to keep going.

Verezzi: He’s a man! He’s going to take it like one and come back out to kick ass in the finals. Look, he’s already walking!

Kravinchik: Both men are being helped back to the locker rooms by the trainers. Urge is really favoring his neck, if he’s suffered any injuries I don’t see how he’ll be able to compete again later tonight.

[“My Own Summer” by the Deftones begins to play. Crowd cheers alot.]

Rip: What the-?

[Frenzy makes his way down to the Death match ring with a mic.]

Frenzy: Hey, Antithesis! You ready to go, you big fat looney? I’m ready for you, get your ass down here and we’ll get this started right now!

Kravinchik: He can’t be serious, they can’t possible start wrestling yet! The ring hasn’t been cleared yet, there’s still busted chairs, broken tables, tacks, everything….

[“T-4 Strain” by Henry Rollins begins to play.]

Rip: I don’t think they’re going to wait for the cleaning crew! Here comes the one-man battleship!

[Antithesis walks down toward the ring. Frenzy grabs a chair and runs to meet him. Frenzy winds up with the chair but Antithesis catches him with a big boot. Bell rings.]

Kravinchik: This match is underway, and I think Frenzy may be in trouble.

Verezzi: Take him apart, Antithesis!

[Antithesis hits Frenzy with the chair repeatedly. Antithesis pulls Frenzy to his feet and drags him to the ringside area. Antithesis whips Frenzy into the ring post. Antithesis slams Frenzy on the floor. Anthesis picks up a half a broken table and drops it on Frenzy’s stomach.]

Rip: Frenzy is 6’10, 300 pounds, but he looks like a child next to Donald Jackon’s pet monster.

Kravinchik: That’s because Antithesis is 7’5, close to 500 pounds, and- LOOK OUT!

[Antithesis picks up the ring steps on drops them on Frenzy’s head. Antithesis picks Frenzy up and slams his face into the ring post. Frenzy is bleeding. Antithesis rolls Frenzy into the ring.]

Rip: Frenzy is busted open, his nose may be broken.

Verezzi: Ooo, and now look what the big guy’s doing!

[Antithesis slides a table into the ring. Antithesis slides into the ring, but Frenzy stomps on this head. Frenzy continues to stomp on Antithesis. Antithesis struggles to his feet, shrugging off Frenzy’s kicks. Crowd cheers as Frenzy continues to pummel Antithesis. Antithesis reverses a whip into the ropes. Frenzy gets caught in the barb wire, flipping over and getting tangled in the cables. Frenzy screams in pain.]

Kravinchik: Dear Lord, the Humanity!

Verezzi: Oh, that one was nasty…

[Antithesis grabs Frenzy and pulls him out of the barb wire. Frenzy screams. Frenzy’s arm is bleeding profusely. Antithesis powerslams Frenzy on the tacks. Antithesis covers… 1… 2… 3… kick out.]

Kravinchik: Frenzy is writhing in pain. This is unbelievable!

[Antithesis sets up the table. Frenzy pulls himself to his feet and nails Anithesis from behind with a double axehandle. Antithesis stumbles, knocking over the table. Frenzy nails Antithesis in the back with a drop kick. Antithesis stumbles forward, catching himself in the barbwire. Antithesis screams.]

Rip: Frenzy almost knocked the monster over! And he would have, if Antithesis hadn’t caught himself in the barbwire.

Kravinchik: I don’t think that’s the best way to catch yourself…

[Antithesis’ hands are bleeding. Frenzy runs at Antithesis, but is backdropped out of the ring. Antithesis follows him to the floor. Frenzy reaches under the ring for something. Frenzy turns and clobbers Antithesis in the side of the head with a crow bar.]

Kravinchik: Sweet Jesus, Frenzy almost took his head off!

Rip: That may turn the tide of the match.

[Antithesis is down. Frenzy grabs the ladder and slides it into the ring. Frenzy tosses the crowbar into the ring. Frenzy pulls Antithesis to his feet and rubs his face across the barb wire. Frenzy pushes Antithesis into the ring.]

Kravinchik: Frenzy had a lot of trouble getting him back into the ring, he may be tiring.

Verezzi: He weighs 485 pounds! He’d be lucky to move him on a good day!

[Frenzy crawls back into the ring. Antithesis’ mask is torn, and he is bleeding. Frenzy is holding his shredded arm. Frenzy sets up the ladder. Antithesis crawls to his feet. Frenzy picks up the crow bar. Antithesis tackles Frenzy, and the crow bar flies out of his hand into the crowd.]

Kravinchik: Oh dear God, look out!!!

Rip: I hope we don’t get sued for that.

[Antithesis rights the table. Antithesis sets up Frenzy. Antithesis powerbombs Frenzy through the table. Antithesis covers… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… shoulder up.]

Kravinchik: This one is still far from over!

Verezzi: Not that far, Frenzy is only human, after all.

[Antithesis pulls Frenzy to his feet. Frenzy jabs a thumb in Antithesis’ eye. Frenzy grabs him by the neck. Frenzy tries for a chokeslam but cannot lift Antithesis. Antithesis pushes him down.]

Rip: Looks like Frenzy was going for a Frenzy-breaker but couldn’t pull it off.

[Frenzy hits Antithesis in the knee with a chair. Frenzy climbs to his feet. Frenzy nails Antithesis with the chair. Antihesis goes down to one knee. Frenzy socks Antithesis in the head with the chair. Frenzy covers… 1… 2… kick out.]

Kravinchik: Antithesis just tossed Frenzy off like he was nothing! What does it take to put this thing down!??!

[Frenzy hits Antithesis with the chair again. Frenzy repeatedly nails Antithesis with the chair. Frenzy climbs the ladder and grabs the bat. Antithesis quickly regains his footing.]

Rip: The monster’s back up! Frenzy hit him with about six chair shots and he’s already back up!

[Antithesis pushes the ladder over and Frenzy falls out of the ring to the floor. Antithesis climbs out of the ring.]

Kravinchik: For God’s sake, Frenzy, don’t get back up! This can’t keep going like this!

Verezzi: Antithesis is going to murder him!

[Antithesis tries to pull Frenzy to his feet. Frenzy drives the bat into Antithesis’ ribs. Frenzy winds up and nails Antithesis in the face with a Mark MacGuire-style swing. Antithesis hits the floor.]

Kravinchik: Holy sh*beep*! He killed ’em!

[Frenzy, with greay difficulty, rolls Antithesis back into the ring. Frenzy covers… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… shoulder up.]

Rip: I don’t believe it! I don’t believe it! How is this possible?!?!?

Kravinchik: Antithesis should be dead, not kicking out after only a seven count!

[Antithesis is back on his feet. Frenzy grabs him by the throat. Frenzy hoists Antithesis up into a chokeslam Frenzy-breaker. Frenzy hits the mat, clutching his knee.

Kravinchik: Incredible! 485 pounds! He actually did it!

Verezzi: He’s down, he blew out his knee!

Rip: No wait, what’s he doing?

[Frenzy pulls himself to his feet. Frenzy pulls Antithesis to his feet. Frenzy sets up Antithesis for the Demon Spike. Frenzy cannot life Antithesis.]

Kravinchik: He’s got nothing left, he can’t get him up!

[Antithesis slips out and kicks Frenzy in the gut. Antithesis sets Frenzy up for the reverse chokeslam.]

Verezzi: It’s over!

[Frenzy brings his leg back with a mule kick to Antithesis’ groin. Frenzy whips Antithesis into the turnbuckle and it explodes. Antithesis screams, clutching his scorched back, but Frenzy whips him into the opposite corner, which also explodes. Crowd is screaming. Antithesis stumbles out of the corner, severely burned, and collapses on the thumbtacks. Frenzy sets up the ladder. Frenzy climbs the ladder with a chair.]

Kravinchik: I don’t believe it! I can’t believe it! What’s he doing??!!

[Frenzy dives off the ladder with the chair, smashing it into Antithesis’ face. Both men are unmoving, but Frenzy is lying across Antithesis… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… 10.]

Rip: He did it! Frenzy beat Antithesis! UNBELIVEABLE!!!

Kravinchik: What an incredible match! But I hope Frenzy is okay, I still don’t see any movement in the ring.

Verezzi: I gotta hand it to Frenzy, I know I said some bad stuff about the guy, but he just did some things I didn’t think was humanly possible.

Kravinchik: The ring is crawling with paramedics and trainers. The way things are looking I don’t know if we’re even going to be able to have the finals of this tournament yet this evening. We don’t have any word yet on the Urge, and Frenzy still hasn’t moved, though Antithesis has regained his feet and is being helped aboard a stretcher. That… thing, I can’t call him a man, is absolutely inhuman.

Rip: Wait, looks like Frenzy is finally moving… yes, yes, he’s pushing the trainers away and climbing to his feet. He’s limping alot, he may have destroyed his knee. The fans here are on their feet cheering for him, nearly blowing the roof off of the place. This was just too insane, we have to look at some of this again.

[Clips are shown of the match.]

Kravinchik: Frenzy is trying to walk out of here, he refuses to take the stretcher. The crowd is absolutely defeaning. Brimstone is out, so is Downtown Mayhem, Mean Ween, the Spooky Kids, even Donald Jackson is looking on from the top of the ramp. This is all very real, ladies and gentlemen, they’re all coming out to try and give their friend a hand. But Frenzy is pushing them all away, telling the medical crews to leave him alone. He’s only letting Brimstone near to help him hobble back up the ramp. I’m sorry but we have to leave this scene and head backstage for what may be one that is no less inspiring.

Verezzi: Don’t enjoy yourself too much yet, Frenzy, you still have one more match to go.

[Backstage, Forgotten Poet is shown in a dark room. He is sitting next to a small table, upon which sits a candle, a black rose and a picture of his recently deceased wife, Tammy Miller, also known as Dreamcatcher.]

Poet: Tammy, I’m sorry. We’ve been through a lot together. But there was so much left to be done, so much left I wanted to say to you. I feel like what happened was my fault. I’m sorry. I know how badly you wanted me to succeed tonight. I don’t think it’s worth it, I don’t know if anything is anymore, but for you, for you, Tammy, I’ll keep going. Tonight, this one is for you. So it is written.

[Poet kisses the picture and the image fades out.]

Kravinchik: We would just like to take this moment to send our deepest sympathies out to the family of Tammy Miller, better known here in NACW as Dreamcatcher. It takes alot of guts for the man known as Forgotten Poet to wrestle tonight, despite his lost.

Rip: Not to take anything from what he just did, but I think Poet has even more guts than Frenzy for doing this. I mean, the poor guy is going to have to rush out after his match to catch a plane to Calgary to attend her funeral tomorrow morning.

Kravinchik: This is a very sad occasion indeed but there are certain things we cannot control, and on one of them will be this next match!

Verezzi: No-holds barred six man tag match! It may not be as violent as the Death matches we just witnessed, but don’t expect anyone involved to hold back.

Fred Bueller: The following No-Holds Barred contest is scheduled for one fall with a twenty minute time limit. Introducing first… [The Army of Annihilation’s music begins to play. Crowd boos heavily.] representing the Army of Annihilation, at a combined weight of 758 pounds, MAGICAL WATER, and the president of North American Championship Wrestling, DONALD JACKSON!!!

[Donald Jackson, Alpha Omega and Mysterious Myst make their way to the standard ring under a heavy chorus of boos.]

Verezzi: Look at the boss, doesn’t he look great? I’ve never seen him in better shape.

Kravinchik: He has been training like mad but it is yet to be seen whether he will be able to hold his own against these young rising superstars.

Fred Bueller: And their opponents… [“Black No. 1” by Type O Negative begins to play. Crowd cheers loudly.] at a combined weight of 808 pounds, the team consisting of NACW Tag Team Champions the Reflecting Gods and NACW Junior Heavyweight Champion Mordred, THE SPOOKY KIDS!!!

[Mordred, Tempter and Preacher (carrying Daisy) make their way to the ring, all carrying their title belts.]

Rip: That is alot of gold.

Verezzi: And all of it ill gotten. Donald Jackson should be the Junior Heavyweight champ, and I’m sure it won’t be long before Magical Water takes those tag belts, either!

Kravinchik: Looks like Tempter and Alpha Omega are going to start this one off. And, surprise surpirse, Shawn Black is the referee.

Rip: I don’t know what’s worse for Tempter, the fact that Omega outweighs him by 100 pounds or that Donald Jackon’s lackey is the referee.

[Bell rings. They lock up. Omega pushes Tempter into the ropes. Tempter catches Omega with a dropkick. Omega back up. Tempter pummels Omega. Tempter takes down Omega with a Russian legsweep. Tempter tags Preacher. Tempter and Preacher hit Omega with a double team suplex.]

Rip: Good moves by the tag champions.

[Preacher covers… Shawn Black counts… 1… kick out. Omega tags in Myst. Preacher catches Myst with a clothesline. Preacher whips Myst into the ropes. Preacher nails Myst with a big boot. Preacher covers. Shawn Black counts… 1… kick out. Preacher tosses Myst over the top rope.]

Verezzi: Where’s Mordred’s slut this evening?

Kravinchik: Bernardo! Akasha is Mordred’s fiancée! And she’s in Calgary. Apparently she was a good friend of Dreamcatcher and is visiting her parents.

[Preacher and Myst are brawling on the outside. Mordred surprises Myst with a plancha off the ropes. Omega runs down to attack Mordred. Brawling on the outside. Preacher grabs a chair and throws it into the ring. Preacher rolls Myst into the ring. Preacher climbs into the ring, but Myst has already grabbed the chair and clocks Preacher with it. Myst covers. Shawn Black counts… 1… 2… kick out.]

Rip: Remember, this is no-holds barred, anything goes!

[Mordred and Omega are brawling on the outside. Tempter joins in. Mordred and Tempter double team Omega, slamming him into the ring apron and guardrail. Back in the ring, Myst tags in Donald Jackson. Jackson and Myst pummel Preacher. Myst holds Preacher while Jackson kicks him. Jackson grabs a chair and winds up, but Preacher ducks and he hits Myst instead. Jackson looks at Myst, dumbfounded, while Preacher low blows him and then makes a cover. Shawn Black refuses to count. Preacher grabs Shawn Black whips him into the corner.]

Kravinchik: This is getting out of hand! Even the referee is getting involved now!

Verezzi: Black, disqual- oh, right, there are no DQs.

[Preacher sets Shawn Black up for the J.C. Pose in the corner. Preacher drives the back of Shawn Black’s neck into the mat. Outside, Tempter and Mordred set Omega up for a double-team suplex, but Omega slips out and smashes both of their heads together.]

Kravinchik: What’s going on in there, I can’t tell what’s happening!

Rip: I don’t know, but Shawn Black looks like a cold fish!

[Omega bulldogs Tempter on the floor, then slips into the ring. Omega and Preacher brawling in the ring. Myst and Jackson are back on their feet. Army triple-teaming Preacher. Mordred stumbles groggily around outside the ring. Omega and Myst double powerbomb Preacher. Jackson drops an elbow on Preacher’s chest. Jackson points at Mordred on the outside. Omega and Myst climb out of the ring toward Mordred. Mordred looks for a weapon. Mordred grabs a foam finger from a fan at ringside. Mordred throws down the foam finger.]

Verezzi: Ha! This is going to be good!

[Omega and Myst whip Mordred into the guardrail. Omega and Myst pummel Mordred. Jackson rushes in and kicks Mordred while he’s down. Tempter, back on his feet, rushes into the fray. Myst backdrops Tempter over the guardrail into the crowd.]

Kravinchik: This is absolute chaos! Wait a minute, now what are they doing??

[Omega and Myst drop Mordred face-first on the guardrail. Jackson orders them to roll Mordred back into the ring. Mordred is busted open. Jackson sets up Mordred. Jackson nails Mordred with the Black No. 1. Jackson covers, but Shawn Black is still unconscious. Maurice LeBlanc runs down to ringside.]

Kravinchik: Finally, we have another referee. Maybe some order will finally be restored.

Rip: I doubt anyone will be able to get this match under control. Look, now Preacher is back up and he’s brawling with Magical Water on the outside!

Verezzi: Ah! This is great!

[Brawling on the outside. Omega and Myst are taking the advantage until Tempter jumps back in the fray to even the odds. Inside the ring, Jackson whips Mordred into the ropes and nails him with a clothesline. Maurice LeBlanc rolls Shawn Black’s body out of the ring. Jackson tries to drop an elbow on Mordred but Mordred rolls out of the way. As Jackson is clutching his elbow in pain, Preacher hands Daisy the cat to Mordred under the ropes.]

Verezzi: What the-?

[Jackson recovers and runs at Mordred. Mordred throws Daisy at Jackson. Daisy lands on Jackson’s face, clawing wildly. Jackson screams and falls down. ]

Rip: What the hell was that???

[Mordred pulls Jackson to his feet and executes the Black No. 1. Mordred covers. Maurice LeBlanc counts… 1… 2… 3.]

Kravinchik: That’s it! Spooky kids win.

Rip: Give the assist to, I never thought I would say this in a wrestling match, THE CAT!

Verezzi: That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen!!

Fred Bueller: Here are your winners, THE SPOOKY KIDS!!!

[The Spooky kids are heading back to the locker rooms, with Preacher trying to calm Daisy, when Jackson grabs a mic. He wipes a trickle of blood from his cheek.]

Jackson: Not so fast, Mordred. You’re not getting away with this, no way. Timekeeper, ring the damn bell again. I am reversing this decision, on the grounds of illegal use of a feline!!!

Kravinchik: What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Rip: I thought this match was anything goes.

Verezzi: I guess cats don’t count.

Fred Bueller: The winners of this match as a result of a reverse decision, DONALD JACKSON and MAGICAL WATER!!!

Kravinchik: I don’t believe this. The Spooky kids are enraged and I don’t blame them. They’re running back to the ring… oh, God, another brawl is erupting.

Rip: But look out, here comes Meltdown with the Pissed Off Possee. The Spooky Kids are way outnumbered now, and in a bad state. I hate to say it, but I really think our president has a screw loose.

Verezzi: What are you talking about, our president? What about the loonies using a friggin’ CAT in a wrestling match! I think they’re getting exactly what they deserve.

Kravinchik: The Army of Annihilation are finally backing off. They’re leaving the ring, but the Spooky Kids have been left in a mess. I can’t watch any more of this, let’s head to Michael Wu in the back.

[Backstage, Michael Wu is in Hank Brimstone’s locker room, where the champ is pacing furiously. The Heavyweight title belt is lying across a chair in the corner.]

Michael Wu: Brimstone, sir, are you okay?

Brimstone: Okay? Hell, no, I’m not okay! My friend is lying in the infirmary, with a bust knee and arm, they won’t let me see him. My boss is out there beating the sh*beep* out of some poor kids, and I’ve got a title match coming up in less than an hour. Yeah, I feel great.

Michael Wu: So what are you going to do?

Brimstone: Well, I’m going to go out there, and win my match, totally destroying Meltdown in the process, and taking out any of the Army punks that get in my way in the meantime. But first, I’m going to check on my friend.

[Brimstone grabs his belt and storms out of the locker room.]

Continue on to Part Two…

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